“Are you a midlife blogger?” the questionnaire asked.
“Are you a midlife blogger? (45+)” the questionnaire further clarified.
Well, I guess so. I don’t FEEL midlife, but if the average lifespan is 76 years or whatever, then I guess I AM midlife.
And, as I thought about it, there are quite a few milestones I’ve reached in the last few years that indicate that, yes, indeed, I’ve hit midlife.
Here are 10 funny but true signs that you’ve hit midlife:
- You bought dress pants with elastic in the waist because the ones without elastic in the waist didn’t fit so well.
- You went shopping at one of those “Cool Kids” stores at the mall. Not for you, of course, but for your teen.
- None of the families at the middle school and high school sporting events have babies or toddlers with them any more.
- You have books on menopause, perimenopause or premenopause on your nightstand.
- Going to the dentist is nerve-wracking. Something in your mouth is going to break, it’s just a matter of time. Plus, it will cost a gazillion dollars to fix. But, because you are midlife, you probably put some dollars away in your mature person health fund at work.
- You Google every creak your body makes and fear the worst.
- Bird watching is actually pleasurable, not boring.
- Your kids have no idea what you’re talking about when you use famous quotes from I Love Lucy and The Brady Bunch.
- Gray hair. I wouldn’t mind it so much if it was just gray. However, it is completely different than normal hair: thicker, spikier, wavier, and generally more annoying.
- Anything you read you now have to hold at arm’s length. You are THIS CLOSE to getting reading glasses.
There you have it, the 10 signs you’ve hit midlife. It’s not so bad, is what I keep telling myself. Soon I won’t have to worry about having a period, plus I’ll get some great discounts at the movies and local diner. Right?
What is your least favorite thing about the age you are?