Bad Mom

Timeline for the Best Teacher Appreciation Week Ever

Friday, April 26: I receive note from the Kindergarten room parent regarding all the activities for Teacher Appreciation Week at my daughter’s school.

Monday, April 29: I send the handmade card to school with my Kindergartner for Teacher Appreciation Week.

Tuesday, April 30: I send a box of Kleenex to school with my Kindergartner for Teacher Appreciation Week. Just in case the box gets lost in the shuffle of ALL the supplies that ALL the kids must be bringing in, I write “To Mrs. Teacher, Love, Sydney” on the box in Sharpie.

Wednesday, May 1: I remind my daughter to be extra nice and thankful to her music, gym, and media center teachers. After all, it’s their day to be and feel special this week!

Thursday, May 2: I totally blow off signing up for the Teacher Appreciation potluck. But I do express my thanks to the Heavens above that some Martha Stewart-types will have that potluck covered. You go, girls.

Friday, May 3: I express thanks to the Heavens above that the principal is hosting a Teacher Appreciation breakfast on his own dime and I don’t have to remember anything, say anything, or do anything.

Monday, May 6: I get the email from the Principal announcing the START of the fabulous Teacher Appreciation Week, May 6-10, 2013.

May you celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week better than I did!

Image courtesy of Sicha Pongjivanich / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

May 7, 2013 By Katy10 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, Experienced Bad Mom, idiot, kindergarten, school Tagged With: kindergarten, school, Teacher Appreciation Week

You Want One Word to Describe Me?

I’ve mentioned before that one of my favorite TV shows is The Middle. This ABC gem focuses on the Heck family living in Orson, Indiana. The mom, Frankie, has some great lines every week as she lovingly and realistically raises her three kids.

The following is an excerpt from her job interview for a dental hygienist position. It spoke to me!

Photo courtesy ABC/Michael Asell.

Dentist: I guess I ask you questions, right? Ok, well, tell me. Who is Frankie Heck?

Frankie: Well, I’m warm and special and amazing and beautiful and lively.

Oh, God. What was I thinking? I should never have listened to my mother’s lode of crap. Of course she said those things. She’s my mother. I sound like an idiot.

You know what? I don’t know. I just don’t know. You want one word to describe me? Mom. There. That’s it. I can get dressed in 30 seconds. I can pull anything out of my bag without looking. You need a quarter? There. Protein bar? (she tosses one at him). How ’bout a pen? Blue or black? I can hold creditors off for months. I can listen to five conversations at the same time. Oh, and apparently I’m a delight in a carpool. Ok, I suck. Goodbye. I’ll let myself out.

Dentist: First of all, I love my mom. Mom’s are angels. Don’t talk bad about moms!…You’re hired!

–

Is there anything you would add to Frankie’s speech about her Mom-abilities?! I’d add, “I can survive in the real world even though I haven’t slept through the night in years.”

The Middle comes on Wednesday nights on ABC. Tell ‘em I sent you.

April 30, 2013 By Katy6 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, good mom, TV Tagged With: raising kids, The Middle

How to Teach Your Child to Indent

My 9-year-old brings home his school work once a week. It’s my time to peruse what he’s been up to and see if he’s falling behind/soaring above expectations.

Last week’s pile of school work brought home a lovely letter about the Midwest that he’d written. It was kinda cute and I appreciated his eye for detail and enthusiastic tone.

However, he received a D+ on the assignment because he forgot to indent.

Hmm.

I asked him if he could re-do it and he said yes.

“Well, there you go, you’ll get a good grade if you do everything the same *plus* indent!” I cheered.

“What’s indent?” he asked.

Now I know full well the teacher may have taught him what it means to indent. He was quite possibly zoning out or dreaming about money when this topic was covered. Or, maybe the teacher just assumed that all 4th graders know what it means to indent and somehow my son missed this in previous grades.

In any case, I went to work. I grabbed a book.

“Here…” I started, opening Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Crap. The entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid series does NOT indent!

“Well, let’s look at one of your sister’s books,” I said gamely.

Crap. They don’t indent books at the kindergarten reading level, either!

“There’s always my blog,” I stated.

Crap. No, there’s not.

I pulled out the Bible. Wah-lah! God indents.

Thank you, God!

What have you tried to teach your kids lately?

Image courtesy of Arvind Balaraman/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

April 2, 2013 By Katy7 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, good mom, homework, school Tagged With: homework, indent, school

24 Steps for Finishing Kindergarten Valentines

1. Buy box of Valentine’s Day cards.

2. Thank the Lord that child picked a box that has 34 Valentines rather than 1 box with 12 Valentines. No need to buy 3 boxes.

3. Break out the 3 sheets from the Kindergarten teacher which have all 26 kids’ names and photos on them. These are to glue on each Valentine. Think to self, “Great! This should be easy.”

4. Help daughter begin making Valentines. Note that it’s 3 weeks before Valentine’s Day. Plenty of time!

5. Watch daughter cut out very specifically and from the middle of each page the first 3 kids’ names and photos that she wants to make Valentines for.

6. Watch daughter use glue stick to put the names and photos on 3 Valentines.

7. Help by folding 3 Valentines in half and using heart stickers to secure the Valentines.

8. Watch daughter write her name on each Valentine.

9. Realize an hour has gone by and there’s dinner to cook, laundry to fold, and extracurricular activities to attend.

10. Put Valentine’s cards away.

11. Ask the next day if daughter wants to do Valentine’s. Listen as she says no thanks.

12. Repeat 11.

13. Repeat 11.

14. Repeat 11.

15. Make daughter do 3 more Valentines. Say encouraging words to show her how FUN this is. Allow her to start signing her nickname instead of her full name.

16. Repeat 11. Every day for the next 2 weeks.

17. Realize there are only hours left before Valentines are due. Beg, plead, and encourage daughter to work on them.

18. Start helping. A little glue here. A little cutting there.

19. Feed daughter M&Ms and promise lots of cuddle time if She. Just. Does.Valentines.

19. Help a lot more. Just keep smiling.

20. Send 26 lovely Valentine’s to school with daughter.

21. Drink wine.

22. Repeat 21.

23. Repeat 21.

24. Repeat 21.

How did it go in your house making Valentines this year?

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

February 12, 2013 By Katy16 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, holidays, homework, kindergarten Tagged With: Valentine's Day

Our 2013 Trip to Disneyworld, Part I

I’m baaaaaaccccccckkkk.

Yes, folks, we survived and thrived during our 2013 trip to Disney World. A good time was had by all and no ducklings were ripped to shreds in front of our eyes by a giant hawk.

(Seriously, there is NO WAY that the Pool of Death story from last year can ever be topped. Let’s just make that clear.)

But going to Disneyworld is like going to a wedding. It’s a big, dramatic event where everyone’s pumped up and inevitably something goes wrong.

Like picture taking.

Consider the pictures below.

In 2009, I took a picture of my two-year-old daughter with Winnie the Pooh.

Sounds sweet, right?

Wrong!

Or there’s 2011, the year daughter was in love with Rapunzel. I waited in line for 90 minutes for her chance to meet Rapunzel. And, because my son was only 7 at the time, there was no way I was letting him wonder aimlessly through the park while Dad and I took pictures of his sister with Rapunzel.

So he had to meet Rapunzel and Flynn, too.

He was thrilled. Obviously.