The Boy Scouts and the Freshman Fifteen

IMG_3939Will’s in his fourth year of Scouts and–even if I haven’t gotten around to sewing on all the patches–we do enjoy it. I see him learning a lot from his participation in this group and making some very good friends.

At the last meeting, the dads were asked to share about their school years.

My husband and a few others talked about elementary school.

Others talked about middle school and high school.

Finally, some talked about college.

Will listened attentively through the whole thing, but REALLY perked up during the college talk.

“I went to Western Michigan,” said one of the dads. He mentioned the Freshman Fifteen and explained how he gained it: “Because there was an all-you-can-eat soft serve ice cream machine in the cafeteria!”

At this point, drool dripped from Will’s mouth. He nearly passed out from the thought of all-you-can-eat ice cream.

Suddenly, he has an insatiable interest in Western Michigan University. Hmm.

We have booked a walking tour of Western Michigan for summer 2020. Also, I am currently tracking tuition costs for this university and–more importantly–room and board. Go Western Michigan Broncos!

How did you pick your college?

Share
January 29, 2013 By 12 CommentsFiled Under: adults, Dad, food, Will Tagged With: ,

Experienced Bad Mom’s Top 3 Christmas Moments

I’m still recovering from having my parents and my big sister visit over Christmas. And I mean recovering in the nicest way possible! It was fun and crazy having 7 people in the house.

There weren’t many bad mom moments, but there were some lovely, zany Christmas memories. Here are the Top 3:

1. My little sister, who spent the holidays with her in-laws, sent me and my big sister homemade potholders for Christmas. At least that’s what my mom told us. CAM00008Turns out the potholders are highly flammable dish rags that should never be used as potholders. I put out a small kitchen fire as a testament to the fact. (Just kidding, mom!)

2. My parents have lived under a rock for several years. Consequently, they hadn’t seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation in FOREVER. So they found it highly amusing each of the thirty times it was on during their visit. In fact, it was my mom’s wish that we all recite the pledge of allegiance for grace one night at the dinner table. Just like Aunt Bethany. So we did.

3. My  husband is a Bigfoot aficionado. Thus, when he had a spare moment, he turned on the TV to catch up on missed episodes of Finding Bigfoot. Have you seen this show? Ranae, Bobo, Cliff and Matt wander around looking for Bigfoot. They haven’t found him yet. MV5BNDIwNTIwMTgwN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDI3MDQ2OA@@._V1._SY317_

One episode turned into a marathon, with grandma and grandpa glued to the screen (in mockery, to be honest). During the course of this marathon, we adopted our new family motto. The motto was spoken first by Bobo, the professional Bigfoot impersonator, on the occasion of him and a colleague falling out of the hot air balloon basket they had been riding in to find Bigfoot:

Pimpin’ ain’t easy and neither is Squatchin’.

I’ll be getting bumper stickers and t-shirts for everyone in the family shortly.

How were your holidays?

Share
December 30, 2012 By 2 CommentsFiled Under: Dad, Experienced Bad Grandparents, holidays Tagged With: , ,

How to Take the Perfect Family Portrait

He always commented on them when he noticed them in other people’s house.

Once, I caught him gazing longingly at one.

Yes, for years my husband has had family portrait cravings, an incessant desire for those pictures where the whole family dresses alike and they’re relaxing on a sand dune or whatnot.

This is NOT my family, but they look good. And they match.

So I finally broke down and lined up a portrait session for our family. With a real photographer! I even made sure that I, my husband, and the kids would wear gray on top and jeans on the bottom. We were going to match!

Then, in Experienced Bad Mom fashion, life happened.

My son, Will, who has worn stylish glasses for a year, BROKE his glasses the day before the pictures. Whatev. A little super glue and the glasses were as good as new. For about 5 minutes. Then they broke again. So he is without glasses in all the pictures.

Meanwhile, my daughter, Sydney, got her face painted by clowns the day before the family pictures. Who knew that the clowns were 1) secretly evil and 2) using face paint concocted from super glue, deck stain, and permanent marker?

The deck stain, I mean, face paint on Sydney.

I had a heart attack at 7pm the night before the family portrait, trying to scrub the evil clowns’ handiwork off her face. That stuff would NOT come off! Finally, after using half a bottle of Almay eye makeup remover, the face paint was gone. And thankfully, the red, raw facial skin on my 5-year-old was barely noticeable. Barely.

So now I sit anxiously awaiting my family portraits.

Will I recognize my son without his glasses?

Can they Photoshop the red, raw patches of skin off Sydney’s face?

Will there be 1 picture where the 4 of us are smiling and looking good?

Stay tuned, dear readers, stay tuned!

And heed this advice: duct tape your kids to the couch a full 24-hours before you get your family portrait done.

 

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Share
October 9, 2012 By 5 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, Dad, Sydney, Will Tagged With: , , ,

This Week’s To Do List

1. Teach kindergartener how to tie her shoes.

2. Buy book about teaching kindergartener how to tie shoes.

3. Do not roll eyes when other parents realize I haven’t taught my kindergartener how to tie her shoes and they say stuff like, “Simeon has tied her shoes since she was 3 years old. She taught herself in 30 minutes. She’s just so bright.”

4. Make time for the sex talk with 9-year-old son.

5. Get book to use for the sex talk with 9-year-old.

6. Don’t have the sex talk with 9-year-old. Make husband give the sex talk to 9-year-old son.

7. Just sign the permission slip and let the school gjve the sex talk to the 9-year-old.

8. Don’t feel bad when other parents say they’ve already had the sex talk with their 9-year-olds.

9. Don’t let anybody know that you haven’t taught kindergartener how to tie her shoes and that you haven’t had the sex talk with 9-year-old.

10. Oh, crap. Just rip up To Do list.

 

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Share
October 4, 2012 By 14 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, Dad, kindergarten, school, Sydney, Will Tagged With: ,

Is that an iPhone 5?

Today’s story is courtesy of my husband. I love it when I’m not alone in my badness! This one’s for you, honey.

My husband and son went on a Boy Scout camping trip last weekend.

On the trip, they visited the lumberman’s monument. The monument is a “huge bronze memorial to Michigan’s lumbering era [that] sits on a high bluff overlooking the sparkling waters of the Au Sable River since 1932.”

Sounds impressive, no?

“Look!” yelled Will seriously.

He pointed to the bronze man in the middle of the monument.

Cue an entire Boy Scout troop and their dads looking where Will is pointing.

“That old guy in the statue has an iPhone just like my dad!”

Will and the old guy with the iPhone. And, yes, Dad took this photo on his iPhone!!

Honey, I told you that you were ALWAYS on that iPhone!

Share
September 26, 2012 By 2 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Dad, Dad, funny things Will said, Will Tagged With: ,
«Older Posts