funny things Will said

How Having Kids Boosts Your Self-Esteem

Having kids is great. You get to clean them, feed them, pay for them, and love them for a really long time.

And kids are wonderful at building your self-esteem! Take the following stories, for instance:

I was giving my 9-year-old son a hug and a kiss as he went to bed. Isn’t it amazing how kids grow so fast? Just yesterday he was my little baby boy.

Me: Good night little boy!

Hug. Kiss.

9-year-old: Good night big mom!

See? He called me BIG. What woman doesn’t want that?

And my 6-year-old daughter makes me feel great about myself, too, as illustrated by this:

I was getting dressed the other morning, putting on my cropped jeans that all the cool kids wear.

6-year-old: What are those?

Points.

Me: Capris.

6-year-old: You mean, jeans that used to fit you, but now don’t?

Wow! She sort of backhandedly complimented me on either 1) my fashion sense or 2) being a fast grower.

How do your kids boost your self-esteem?

Heard and Seen Over the Weekend

As I mentioned on Friday, my husband had to work most of the weekend which meant I was flying solo with the kids. What can possibly happen when the Experienced Bad Mom is in charge for 3 days? Here are the highlights:

Grocery Shopping

I had to take the kids with me to do the grocery shopping. Those of you who have ever shopped alone with two children can feel my pain. The worst moment was either:

1. When Will took the cart and shouted “Donuts! Donuts!” while wheeling it around in continuous circles,

-or-

2. When I was talking to myself and said, “chicken breasts, chicken breasts,” because they were next on my list.

“Hee hee!” Will chuckled.

I had no idea why he was laughing. (You probably know why!)

“Hee hee! You said breasts. Chicken boobs!”

So glad they had that puberty talk at school this year!

Seeing Epic

Did you see Epic this weekend? I thought it was well done and entertaining. The good guys are little forest soldiers who ride hummingbirds. Literally two hours after seeing the movie, I’m in the garage and a hummingbird flies in and can’t find his way out. He’s whimpering, too, every time he hits the ceiling.

I grab the dollar store butterfly net and some gardening gloves and try and shoo it out while the kids are yelling and screaming, “Find the Leaf Men!” (the little guys from the movie.) The bird finally hops onto my net and I slowly walk it out. Phew! No emergency trips to bird sanctuary for us.

Stupid teenage boys

Some disenchanted youth in our neighborhood chose 2:40 am as the perfect time to blow up plastic bottles filled with who-knows-what in the middle of our street. It woke up my son and scared him. The next morning I was trying to turn the event into a teachable moment.

“You know, it was probably dumb teenage boys who blew up those bottles,” I said. “I don’t ever want you to be a stupid teenage boy who blows up stuff at 2:40 in the morning!”

“Mom!” he replied, vehemently. “I can’t even stay up until 2:40 in the morning!”

Not exactly the reply I was looking for, but I’ll take it!

How was your weekend?

Image courtesy of Liz Noffsinger/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

May 28, 2013 By Katy2 CommentsFiled Under: Bad Mom, funny things Will said, holidays, movies, shopping Tagged With: Epic, hummingbirds, shopping

Fresh or Frozen? A 9-Year-Old Decides

We were watching a Domino’s pizza ad for their new deep dish pizza. It begins with their CEO, who looks with disgust at a frozen circle of dough.

“You wanna know a dirty secret?” he asks. “A lot of pan pizzas start out with frozen dough.”

Then the commercial cuts to a Domino’s chef. Who’s got her hands all over some dough.

“First, we hand press the dough into the pan,” she says.

And then Will loses it.

“Aww, disgusting!” he shouts at the TV. “I don’t want someone’s GERMY hands touching MY pizza!”

“Fresh or frozen dough?” The chef asks holding the doughs in her hand. “You decide.”

“FROZEN!” screams Will.

I guess we’re not calling Domino’s over Winter Break. (Unless, you know, Domino’s, you want to provide the Experienced Bad Mom family with a taste test…Call me!)

Fresh or Frozen? What gets you riled up?

December 21, 2012 By Katy4 CommentsFiled Under: food, funny things Will said, Will

Sewercide

We went to a trampoline place on Black Friday for some fun. One of the trampoline courts was for dodgeball and it listed the rule “No Suicides”. As my friend and I discussed what “No Suicides” meant in regards to Dodgeball, Will spoke up.

“I know what suicide is,” he said.

“In dodgeball?” I asked.

“No,” he clarified. “Just suicide.”

Hmm, I thought. I think it’s sad that my 9-year-old knows what suicide is.

“It’s when bad guys are trying to kill you in the sewer,” he reported.

“Get it? Sewercide,” he concluded seriously.

Never thought “sewercide” would make me smile!

November 26, 2012 By Katy8 CommentsFiled Under: funny things Will said, Will Tagged With: bad words, raising kids, Will

Kids Hear the Darndest Things

Have you seen Oswald?

Here’s Oswald from Nickjr.com

He’s a blue octopus with his own show on Nick Jr. Sydney was watching an episode recently about Oswald and his friend taking a wagon full of trash to the dump.

“Let’s take this to the dump,” Oswald said cheerfully at one point.

My 9-year-old son looked up from his DSi game.

“Naaaawwwwwwww!!!! That’s just WRONG! He said DUMP!”

So-called potty words never fail to grab his attention. I’m going to start sprinkling them liberally in my speech when talking to my son:

“Will, take out the poopy garbage, please.”

“Will, don’t forget to pick up your pee-pee butt clothes off the floor.”

“Hey, Will, you need to feed the cat. Fart, fart, fart.”

Classy, no?

How do you get your kids to listen?