Again.
I saw it again. Another post on social media from a friend singing the praises of her child who couldn’t stop reading.
How lucky am I? she wrote. My son finished Harry Potter and he’s only in second grade!
You are lucky, I thought, damping down my jealousy. My son hates to read. He loathes it with a passion unseen since he lost a game of Candy Land to me when he was three years old.
I can’t exactly post “My son hates reading!” on social media, though. He’s a teenager now and I’ve waited years to admit publicly how much he hates it. I felt that my son’s lack of interest in reading meant that I was a bad mother, that I had failed somehow.
However, the truth is kinder to me than I am to myself: reading is a pursuit that he is not passionate about.
He can read.
He doesn’t like to read.
There is a difference.
Ever since he was born I tried to instill in him a love of reading. In no particular order, here are the word nurturing, pro-book, literature lovin’ experiences I exposed him to:
- I read in front of him. I love to read.
- I read to him. Daily from birth until third grade.
- I took him to the library.
- I took him to story time at the library.
- I signed him up for the summer reading program at the library.
- I took him to the bookstore.
- I bought him books from the bookstore.
- I bought him books from the school book fairs.
- I made sure his daycare was a developmentally-appropriate, NAEYC-accredited child care center that was chock full of book nooks, story times, and language-enrichment activities.
- I signed those homework reading logs that came home every night from kindergarten through sixth grade.
- I chatted with him about books.
- I bought him a Kindle.
- I downloaded books for his Kindle.
- Did I mention I read in front of him? I love to read!
For years, I’ve felt bad about his lack of fervor for reading, especially during the dreaded “March is Reading month”. Until one day I stopped.
It was the day a mom came over to pick up her child from a play date with my youngest (who loves to read, by the way). I don’t remember how the topic of my son’s lack of interest in reading came up, but she shared her thoughts.
“I hate reading, too,” she commented. “It was never social enough for me. I always wanted to be doing something else.”
Here she was, a successful Vice President at an international company with three lovely children, confessing that reading wasn’t for her.
It was a relief. It was the first voice I heard that defied the cacophony telling me that I must get my child to love reading. That day I allowed myself to believe, to embrace even, that my son could succeed in life even though he doesn’t like to read.
Reading is not for my son. However, what is for my son is socializing with friends and family, chatting with anyone he meets, participating in classroom discussions, being a leader, playing sports, and being pretty great.
Maybe I should put that on social media. He can’t be embarrassed by such a post.
Chances are he won’t even read it.
Copyright 2016 Katy M. Clark as first published on Sammiches and Psych Meds.
Yet another case for the fast forward button. We spend so much time worrying about our kids. Imagine if we could zap into the future and see that all will be well. Wow!! Sure would haves saved me some sleepless nights, I can tell you. My son is a reader and my daughter is not. Like you, I stressed over it. Same genes, both parents love reading etc. Then I thought of my sister. She never read and has done extremely well. Reads now on her own terms.
You’ve reminded me also of the important need to chat with other moms. So key to not fuss and stew in a bubble. Share your worries and you’re bound to find your people.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Blessings Post Widowhood
Yes to sharing! I would also add how invaluable it is to make friends with moms of older kids (hint, hint) who can tell you gently and wisely that everything is going to be okay.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…When Your Child Doesn’t Like to Read
I was nodding throughout this because neither or my kids enjoy reading. It’s bizarre, because they’ve seen me with a book their entire lives. I read to them. I bought them SO many books. It is beyond frustrating.
However, my son is really good at computer stuff. He has his own YouTube channel. Self taught.
My daughter…well, she’s just loud. But creative.
Amber Myers recently posted…When Your Child Gives Up A Sport
It is so bizarre and frustrating, I get it. My son is just…my son. He doesn’t like to read, I love to read.
It’s nice to talk about it, though, and hear that I’m not alone. I think there are many of us who have felt bad because there are all these things we’re supposed to do to get our kids to love reading and reading is not for everyone. Kind of like running. 🙂
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…When Your Child Doesn’t Like to Read
My kids are all readers, however there was a point when one of my kids didn’t want to read like the others. I was making myself crazy with the whys and how. And then something clicked again, and reading became fun again. Sometimes it takes one book. However, as long as your child knows how to read, is happy, and does other things perfectly fine, it’s all good. These are things I told myself 🙂
I’m glad you gave up that silly thought of being a bad mom.
XOXO
I know in my heart it was okay that he didn’t like to read, but there does seem to be pressure out there to make ALL kids into book lovers. Kinda like swimming! There’s a lot of pressure to make sure your kid is a fish. Thanks for your kind comment.
“Chances are he won’t even read it”. LOL you smart a$$.
I’ve always despised reading too. Completely understand the whole “I read 4 Harry Potter books this weekend, what’d you do?”
Uhhh, danced in my basement and watched Harry Potter”.
This post gives me comfort for not being the reading type.
However I absolutely love reading Dr.Seuss books to children.
Uhhh, I danced in my basement and watched Harry Potter – LOVE it! I’m glad I wrote this post because there are many lovely folks who have come forward and said either it relates to them or their kids. Most people can read, but not everyone has to love it.
I’m with you Micaela. great blog post!”Chances are he won’t even read it”. Haha hilarious and the perfect way to end a helpful, wonderful, validating piece.
It’s really good post. Very helpful thanks for sharing #happynowlinkup
He sounds like a pretty great kid to me. I have one like that who just does not enjoy reading. I know now as an adult I never read very much of anything without falling asleep in 3 seconds flat so I guess I am not the pinnacle of a reader as well 🙂
Jen recently posted…The Happy Now Blog Link- Up #24
I love this post! Now I can’t say that my son hates to read because he is only 5.. but I do feel the same way as you do. He hates writing. I try to sit down with him to do his homework.. no luck. He cries and sometimes even has a tantrum. I love to see posts like this. Thank you so much for posting with #happynowlinkup !
And thank you for reading! One of the best parts of blogging is sharing our experiences and realizing we are not alone. 🙂
Found this post yesterday while googling my child doesn’t like to read and can’t thank you enough! My 10 year old daughter is already happy about it. Spoke to my soul and the experienced bad mom caught my eye:)
Oh, I’m glad it helped! And I’m glad your 10yo daughter is feeling good, too. She should! My son is now 15 and has a 3.9 GPA and NEVER reads for pleasure, lol.