When Potty Seats Attack

You know those accident reports you get from school or child care? The ones that describe a minor mishap, such as “Susie scraped her knee while building a fort. Ice and TLC were applied.”

Usually, I find those accident reports so mundane that I don’t give them another thought.

However, I’ve never laughed at an accident report until now. Thankfully, this time I’m laughing at someone else’s expense! The one shown below is from my friend Tammy S., whose son Nick is 3 1/2. Pay special attention to the comment section:

Tammy gave me permission to share this accident report on my blog. After all, the first thing that popped into her head after she read it was, “I am such a bad mom for seeing humor in this!”

Soft, cushy potty seat inserts. Who knew they were so dangerous?!

What are some of your family’s most humorous mishaps?

 

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Do I Hafta? (A Wit and Wisdom Guest Post)

Today I’m pleased to share with you a guest post from a blogging buddy of mine, Elizabeth, from Transitional Woman. Enjoy her “bad mom” story!

Once you’ve set your course as an Experienced Bad Mom, it only gets worse.

Recently, my youngest son, a high school senior, was invited to interviews for a university’s honors and music programs.  The honors department suggested an overnight stay with a current honors student Friday evening after his interview and various forums and seminars.  On Saturday, he would take his music test, and have his music interviews and auditions.

The author's son, Adam, with his tuba

The online sign up form for the honors interview asked if he would be bringing a guest.

“Does this mean me?” I asked.

“I think so,” he replied.

“I don’t really want to go.  Julia (my daughter) is going to take off work Friday and we plan to go sightseeing.  Do you mind if I don’t go?”

“I don’t care,” he answered, “other than the interview I don’t want to do this other stuff either.”

“Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind.  We’ll wait until your interview is over and then leave, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“Sure, fine, I’ll be all right,” he assured me.

“You won’t have anywhere to store your tuba for the music audition on Saturday while you’re doing the honors thing, so we’ll pick you up for breakfast and bring it.”

That Saturday we were having a leisurely breakfast with my sleep deprived son when I noticed the time.  It was 10:50 a.m. and I noted that we were fine because the audition check-in didn’t start until 11:00 a.m.  Or did it?  I fished the schedule out of my purse and saw that check-in began at 10:00 a.m.  The music theory test began at 11:00 a.m.

Sped to the school.  Couldn’t find parking.  “We’ll drop you off as close as possible, run in and get registered, we’ll park, then you can come back for your tuba,” I screamed frantically.

Out he jumped.  We found a close, legal parking space and I started to worry.  “Will he make it in time?  Should we try to find him and bring his tuba and music?” I asked my daughter.

She agreed.  I grabbed the tuba, or rather heaved the tuba out of her little hatchback, she snagged the music folder (we thought it was the right one) and ran.  Sort of, you can’t run with a tuba in a big, black case.

Door one is wrong, door two is wrong, I’m huffing and puffing.  Door three is wrong.  An experienced good daddy, visiting with his son, asks, “What is that, a body bag?”

Door four, yes.  We crashed through, bellowed to the woman standing guard asking if we’re in the right place.  We continue exclaiming loudly about the situation.  We enter a very quiet hall where cool, calm and collected mommies are waiting in line with their docile music students.

I turn and shout, “Adam.  Where’s Adam?  Do you see him?”  I looked to the front.  I looked to the back.  Where was he?  He was four feet away.

We arranged a 4:00 p.m. pick up time.  And instead of waiting like all of the good mommies, we went sightseeing.    He finished early, there was a traffic jam, we were late.

“Did anyone ask you why you were alone?” I inquired on the drive home.

“A few people did, but I just told them my mom and sister went sightseeing.”

Last month Adam chose his school.  As part of the admission process he has to attend a two day freshman orientation.  “There’s a place on the form where it asks if I want to bring a guest,” Adam said.

“Does that mean me?  I thought Dad and I could drop you off and spend a couple of days sightseeing…….”

 

Elizabeth has been a writer, editor, homeschooler, homemaker and a few other things too.   She blogs at www.transitional-woman.blogspot.com. People with a great sense of humor are some of her favorite people in the world.  She loves all things chocolate, enjoys knitting but is very slow, and her favorite song is Shout by the Isley Brothers. Her husband has put up with her with great love, patience and grace for 26 years.  She has been richly blessed with four children who, she claims, are definitely smarter and nicer than their mother.

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Experienced Bad Mom and Attachment Parenting

On Monday, I touched on the Time Magazine cover seen round the mommy world. It got me thinking about my own brief stints with attachment parenting.

I live near a college town, which means attachment parenting is bigger here than in other parts of the country. Wearing your baby is common and I’ve seen a myriad of slings and contraptions to do so.

My firstborn, Will, was an awful sleeper. I tried anything that anyone told me to get that kid to chillax! When I joined a new mom group and everyone was wearing their babies, I tried that, too.

And I sucked at it.

I bought a $30 sling from Babies-R-Us. I watched the video (those slings are surprisingly complex!), got pointers from my new moms group, and tried it out with Will when he was 3  months old. My first day I walked around the neighborhood, hoping the lulling motion of my movement was preparing him for a wonderful night’s sleep and all the neurological development that babywearing supposedly encourages.

Instead, I think the lulling motion made him throw up all over me. Look at this picture. You can see the upchuck brewing!

Thaaar he blows!

I tried babywearing off and on for a few more weeks, but it just didn’t work for me.

When my daughter was born, I tried again. I went all out and bought the super-duper fancy sling that Cindy Crawford endorsed. This sling was a little better, but I still felt that my baby was going to fall out at any moment. I ended up only wearing it to do laundry. It was handy to have both hands free to stuff the washing machine.

In a nutshell, I was a complete and utter babywearing attachment parent failure!

My "detached" children

Did you try babywearing? What fabulous thing worked for all the other mommies but didn’t work for you?

 

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I Am Mom Enough

Most of the folks reading my blog are parents, grandparents, and a few soon-to-be parents. So I think the majority of you must have heard, read, or seen the controversial new Time Magazine cover:

Now I won’t go into a thoughtful discussion of this cover like the one you’ll find over at The Mommy Psychologist, or a passionate rant about it like the one you can find at People I Want To Punch In The Throat or a zillion other blogs.

Let me just say that stuff like this is EXACTLY why I embrace my calling as the Experienced Bad Mom. No matter what I do or how well I do it, there is always some magazine, some news person, some other parent, some human being, etc. that claims I’m not doing it right or not doing it well enough.

It is impossible to be a perfect parent. So here’s to all my imperfections. They may make me a bad mom according to society’s unrealistic expectations. However, my supposed imperfections make me a real, honest-to-goodness mom who loves her kids and is trying her best. And that’s good enough for me.

Feel free to share your thoughts. Or just give yourself a double fist pump!

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Experienced Bad Mom Goes Grocery Shopping

Photo source

I ran into a neighbor while grocery shopping last week. She’s the mother of two teenagers. As we chatted, I glanced into her basket. It held nothing but healthy stuff: apples, broccoli, whole wheat flour, etc. Everything was good for you.

Meanwhile, my cart was overflowing with crap. I did have apples, bananas, and baby carrots buried at the bottom, and I don’t think my family eats atrociously, but really my cart was a mish-mash of tasty treats, stuff we should eat (but probably won’t), and stuff that’s on sale:

The top layer of my grocery cart

I think I literally tried draping myself across my cart, batting my eyes, and making sweeping hand gestures to distract, distract, distract!

Plus, don’t forget this is what I feed my kids when my husband’s out of town.

If she starts leaving celery sticks on my front porch for my poor, suffering children, then I’ll know she saw everything.

What’s made you feel embarrassed lately?

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