It’s the last week of school in our neck of the woods. That means there are numerous year-end events: talent shows, recitals, parties, etc.

But what’s missing, and has been since September 2009, are any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in my son’s lunch. No, it has nothing to do with allergies. The reason my son has not taken a PB & J to school since September 2009 is:

Poop.

See, back in September 2009, at the beginning of 1st grade, I innocently sent my son off to 1st grade with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

He informed me that he threw it away at school because the sandwich had poop on it.

     “Mom, it had poop on it. I’m not even kidding. It was disgusting.” – Will, age 7

I deny being a poop sandwich maker. Vehemently deny! Years of investigation have revealed that the supposed poop was a small swipe of peanut butter residue I left behind after I wiped the butter knife clean on the top piece of bread.

My reputation as a poop sandwich maker lives on, though. Will has not taken a PB & J to school all year. His entire year in 2nd grade was also PB & J free. Last week I innocently inquired if I could pack a PB & J in Will’s lunch and he forbid me with unrivaled passion and conviction! This is nearly 3  years after the supposed poop sandwich incident.

I’m open to suggestions for how to clean up my tarnished sandwich-maker image. How do I redeem myself?

(Oscar Meyer and Louis Rich, I’m also available for meaty, non-peanut butter/poop sponsorship deals. Contact me.)

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net