It’s that time of year again. The time when my school district invites every parent to submit his or her input as the schools start the process of placing kids in classes for next Fall.

I like the opportunity. My son is very active and I’ve always shared that he’s active, needs to move, and does better with a teacher who will embrace, rather than punish, that quality.

I do have to watch what I write on the input form, though. I need to be polite and respectful so that the principals and counselors will respect my input. And I realize they have a big job ahead of them and I truly appreciate their efforts.

That said, there’s stuff I’d REALLY like to write on the form, but don’t.

So you guys get to read that stuff instead. Here it is:

Please list the names of any students in your child’s grade level with whom you feel your child should not be placed with.

I don’t have names. Hopefully, you’ll know who these kids are from the following description:

• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who will start having sex by 6th grade
• I don’t want my child placed with any kids who think they are better than everyone else because they have a parent who makes a huge salary
• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who will make him cry
• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who thinks it’s okay to smoke or do drugs
• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who uses the F-word in every other sentence
• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who thinks it’s okay to say derogatory things about women or minorities
• I don’t want my child placed with any kid who will make fun of his belief in God, Jesus, or his burgeoning political views.

What, if any EDUCATIONAL concerns do you have about your child’s placement for next year?

My EDUCATIONAL concern is that he will be placed with any of the above kids in his class.

If there is a teacher you would NOT like your child placed with please provide his or her name AND an explanation as to why.

I asked all my friends on Facebook, and either out of fear or ignorance, nobody ratted out the bad teachers.

Suffice it to say that I do not want my child placed with a bad teacher. Thank you.

Please tell us anything about your child that will help us place him or her in the best possible learning environment.

I love my son with all his heart. Please take care of him while he’s in your building 5 days a week.

Help him build his self-confidence.

Don’t make him cry with too much pressure and/or too much homework.

Praise him when he does something right.

Allow him to make mistakes and know that I support him as he makes those mistakes. Don’t send home judgy notes that we have failed as his parents if he makes mistakes.

Oh, and did I tell you he’s awesome? So the best possible learning environment for him would be with an awesome teacher and awesome kids. Thank you.

Now it’s your turn. Is there anything you’d like to tell the schools? 

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