Sewercide

November 26, 2012 By

We went to a trampoline place on Black Friday for some fun. One of the trampoline courts was for dodgeball and it listed the rule “No Suicides”. As my friend and I discussed what “No Suicides” meant in regards to Dodgeball, Will spoke up.

“I know what suicide is,” he said.

“In dodgeball?” I asked.

“No,” he clarified. “Just suicide.”

Hmm, I thought. I think it’s sad that my 9-year-old knows what suicide is.

“It’s when bad guys are trying to kill you in the sewer,” he reported.

“Get it? Sewercide,” he concluded seriously.

Never thought “sewercide” would make me smile!

8 Comments Filed Under: funny things Will said, Will Tagged With: , ,

Teacher’s Pet?

August 30, 2012 By

My son enters 4th grade next Tuesday. In preparation, he filled out the “getting to know you” questionnaire he got from his new teacher.

Of course, I had to take a peak.

The following questions and answers from the questionnaire are true. Nothing has been changed to add humor — or correct his spelling.

—

Tell me your favorite school memory.

Feild Day

List 3 things you do well.

Math

reading

patiance

What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done?

Going to Kalahari

How do you feel about school? Why?

Excited I can make new friends

What is one wish you have for this school year?

One day without homework

What is one thing you want me to know about you?

I herd you like DisneyWorld. Have you been on thunder mountain

—

Now, I laughed out loud when I read that his one wish is a day without homework. That’s pretty good. I also cringed at his misspellings. Feild day, anyone? Patiance? I yi yi.

(I think with his bad spelling, kick-butt Lego abilities, and math skills, Will could grow up and be an engineer. And engineers usually make a good living, bad spelling or not!)

Stay tuned to hear how the first week goes. Here’s hoping the teacher has a good sense of humor!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5 Comments Filed Under: funny things Will said, homework, school, Will Tagged With: , , , ,

Tips for Surviving the Giant Indoor Water Park

August 28, 2012 By

Those of you reading along know that all my son wanted for his 9th birthday was a trip to the giant indoor water park.

Well, I’m back after surviving two days and 1 night in the world’s largest indoor water park, Kalahari Resort in Sandusky, Ohio.

Not only did I survive, but I had fun, mostly because my son was soooo happy. Here’s my survival tips that will ensure your next trip to the giant, indoor water park is memorable:

1. Drink alcohol. (I’m kidding! Sort of.)

2. Don’t waste a minute trying to figure out why they blast music over the loudspeakers. No, it doesn’t make sense when the giant indoor water park is already the loudest place on earth due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water. And you can’t make out the songs anyway due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water.

3. Don’t lose your kids. If you do, you will never hear them announce your name over the loudspeakers to come get them, just like you’ll never hear the music they are trying to blast. You may hear a “Wah wah wah wah wah” sound like the adults who talk on the phone in Charlie Brown, but that’s all you’ll be able to make out. So hold on tight to the kids.

4. Leave your vanity and best swimsuit at home. Constantly being wet with pool water for 2+ days does nothing but eat your suit alive. So wear your old one. Plus, there are 8,200 people at the giant, indoor water park. Unless you are a Pamela Anderson, no one will be looking at you!

5. Do not, I repeat, do not wear two pieces and go on the Flow Rider surfing ride. Because you will wipe out. And the rush of water will take your bottom away if you happen to be wearing a bikini/tankini (or any sort of -ini.)

The Flow Rider. Her bottom cinches.

Dudes are lucky because their suits have cinch ties. My tankini bottom did not cinch so I mooned everyone waiting in line when I wiped out. The only one excited about this was my husband (thanks, honey!). I’m still trying to figure out what the middle age guy meant when he told me “Good job” when I got off the ride.

There you have it. My expert tips to help you thrive in the indoor water park.

Have fun and let me know if I missed anything (besides my tankini bottom)!

9 Comments Filed Under: birthday party, Will Tagged With: , ,

The Picture of 9

July 13, 2012 By

This is the picture that gets taken when you turn 9-years-old:

And this is the picture that gets taken when you turn 9-years-old and you have a little sister:

I think 9 years old is going to be a good age. After all, my 9-year-old acted maturely by:

1) letting his little sister in the picture, and

2) not killing her!

Do you have a brother or sister?

6 Comments Filed Under: birthday party, presents, sister, Sydney, Will Tagged With: , , , ,

The Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Want to Go to the Giant Indoor Water Park

July 3, 2012 By

We celebrated my son’s 9th birthday over the weekend. It was a flurry of dining out, opening Beyblades and DSi games, and playing with Beyblades and DSi games.

One thing we didn’t do over the weekend was host a birthday party. That’s because, like many kids his age, Will did not want a birthday party. All he wanted this year was a trip to the giant indoor water park. His request–and his father’s and my reaction to this request–have prompted the following list.

Here, in reverse order, are the Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Want to Go to the Giant Indoor Water Park:

5. The Cost.

Stays at the Giant Indoor Water Park are expensive! And what’s this thing they’re charging me called a mandatory “resort fee”? Sounds like another way to milk parents out of their hard-earned dollars.

4. The noise.

Take 8 million gallons of rushing, churning, spilling water. Add 8,341 children of all ages screaming in terror and/or glee. Now enclose all that water and all those children within four walls and a roof.

3. The arcade.

Those resort masterminds, much like the masterminds at Disney World, know how to bilk you out of every last cent. One such way is by putting the Vegas-style arcade right next to the entrance to the Giant Indoor Water Park with one of those prize counters where kids can turn in $20 bucks worth of tickets for 1 bouncy ball.

2. Party rooms.

After spending all day in the loud, overpriced Giant Indoor Water Park, all you want to do is pass out from exhaustion in your room. Except you can’t. That’s because Skyenna is having, like, the most awesome sleepover ev-ah for her and her besties right next door to your room. Or above your room. And, like, they are totally not going to sleep forev-ah.

1. My husband.

My husband hates crowds, noise, arcades, people making noise in any room near his, and spending money. (Honey, if you’re reading this, you know I love you!)

And then there’s this:

All my 9-year-old wanted for his birthday was a trip to the Giant Indoor Water Park.

We’ve booked a night in August.

Have you been to a giant indoor water park?

13 Comments Filed Under: birthday party, presents, vacation, Will Tagged With: , ,

Wordless Wednesday – Man of Your Dreams

June 13, 2012 By

Man of Your Dreams?

He’s only 8, can pick his nose with his tongue (ewww!!!)  and yes, he has a girlfriend!

 

3 Comments Filed Under: boogers, Will, Wordless Wednesday Tagged With: ,

Poop Sandwich 2012

June 11, 2012 By

It’s the last week of school in our neck of the woods. That means there are numerous year-end events: talent shows, recitals, parties, etc.

But what’s missing, and has been since September 2009, are any peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in my son’s lunch. No, it has nothing to do with allergies. The reason my son has not taken a PB & J to school since September 2009 is:

Poop.

See, back in September 2009, at the beginning of 1st grade, I innocently sent my son off to 1st grade with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

He informed me that he threw it away at school because the sandwich had poop on it.

     “Mom, it had poop on it. I’m not even kidding. It was disgusting.” – Will, age 7

I deny being a poop sandwich maker. Vehemently deny! Years of investigation have revealed that the supposed poop was a small swipe of peanut butter residue I left behind after I wiped the butter knife clean on the top piece of bread.

My reputation as a poop sandwich maker lives on, though. Will has not taken a PB & J to school all year. His entire year in 2nd grade was also PB & J free. Last week I innocently inquired if I could pack a PB & J in Will’s lunch and he forbid me with unrivaled passion and conviction! This is nearly 3  years after the supposed poop sandwich incident.

I’m open to suggestions for how to clean up my tarnished sandwich-maker image. How do I redeem myself?

(Oscar Meyer and Louis Rich, I’m also available for meaty, non-peanut butter/poop sponsorship deals. Contact me.)

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

12 Comments Filed Under: food, lunch, Poop, school, Will Tagged With: , , , , ,

Everyday I Hate Mathematics More

May 7, 2012 By

Will, my 3rd grader, is working through an Everyday Mathematics unit on reasoning and word problems.

Oh, the joy!

(You might recall how much I LOVE the Everyday Mathematics curriculum.)

This particular “Home Links” worksheet asked him to explain how he arrived at his answer. Check out the problem and his explanation of how he arrived at his answer:

Love it!

I allowed him to leave “help by my mom”, but I did go back (*sigh*) and make him write some additional blah, blah, blah about $12.00 for 2 packs of 5 cards vs. $12.90 for 10 individual cards.

WHATEVER!

How’s homework going in your house? If you don’t have homework yet, have I made you scared?

8 Comments Filed Under: Bad Mom, homework, school, Will Tagged With: , , , ,

Take Our Daughters and Sons To Work Day 2012

May 2, 2012 By

Last Thursday was the official Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day 2012. According to their website:

Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work® Day has inspired a future generation of girls and boys by helping bring them into the workplace to explore the many life choices they have.

Some of my friends work for Fortune 500-type companies that rolled out the red carpet for kids and hosted seminars and pizza lunches. My son Will, 8, went to work with my husband, who works in sporting goods.

There were no seminars. No lunches.

Will was put to work packing orders. That’s right, child labor is alive and well!

Don’t be too worried about him, though. I *think* he had some fun:

Uh, looks like Will was inspired (!) and empowered to explore the many life choices he has!

I should mention that Will had the option of going to work with me that day and didn’t. On Thursdays, I’m a stay-at-home mom. I took the cat to the vet, my 5-year-old to swim lessons and later to choir, cleaned 2 bathrooms, did laundry, cooked dinner, etc. He could have learned a lot, I tell you.

Did you take your son or daughter to work?

 

7 Comments Filed Under: Will, working mother Tagged With: , ,