Sewercide

We went to a trampoline place on Black Friday for some fun. One of the trampoline courts was for dodgeball and it listed the rule “No Suicides”. As my friend and I discussed what “No Suicides” meant in regards to Dodgeball, Will spoke up.

“I know what suicide is,” he said.

“In dodgeball?” I asked.

“No,” he clarified. “Just suicide.”

Hmm, I thought. I think it’s sad that my 9-year-old knows what suicide is.

“It’s when bad guys are trying to kill you in the sewer,” he reported.

“Get it? Sewercide,” he concluded seriously.

Never thought “sewercide” would make me smile!

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November 26, 2012 By 8 CommentsFiled Under: funny things Will said, Will Tagged With: , ,

Teacher’s Pet?

My son enters 4th grade next Tuesday. In preparation, he filled out the “getting to know you” questionnaire he got from his new teacher.

Of course, I had to take a peak.

The following questions and answers from the questionnaire are true. Nothing has been changed to add humor — or correct his spelling.

—

Tell me your favorite school memory.

Feild Day

List 3 things you do well.

Math

reading

patiance

What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done?

Going to Kalahari

How do you feel about school? Why?

Excited I can make new friends

What is one wish you have for this school year?

One day without homework

What is one thing you want me to know about you?

I herd you like DisneyWorld. Have you been on thunder mountain

—

Now, I laughed out loud when I read that his one wish is a day without homework. That’s pretty good. I also cringed at his misspellings. Feild day, anyone? Patiance? I yi yi.

(I think with his bad spelling, kick-butt Lego abilities, and math skills, Will could grow up and be an engineer. And engineers usually make a good living, bad spelling or not!)

Stay tuned to hear how the first week goes. Here’s hoping the teacher has a good sense of humor!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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August 30, 2012 By 5 CommentsFiled Under: funny things Will said, homework, school, Will Tagged With: , , , ,

Tips for Surviving the Giant Indoor Water Park

Those of you reading along know that all my son wanted for his 9th birthday was a trip to the giant indoor water park.

Well, I’m back after surviving two days and 1 night in the world’s largest indoor water park, Kalahari Resort in Sandusky, Ohio.

Not only did I survive, but I had fun, mostly because my son was soooo happy. Here’s my survival tips that will ensure your next trip to the giant, indoor water park is memorable:

1. Drink alcohol. (I’m kidding! Sort of.)

2. Don’t waste a minute trying to figure out why they blast music over the loudspeakers. No, it doesn’t make sense when the giant indoor water park is already the loudest place on earth due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water. And you can’t make out the songs anyway due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water.

3. Don’t lose your kids. If you do, you will never hear them announce your name over the loudspeakers to come get them, just like you’ll never hear the music they are trying to blast. You may hear a “Wah wah wah wah wah” sound like the adults who talk on the phone in Charlie Brown, but that’s all you’ll be able to make out. So hold on tight to the kids.

4. Leave your vanity and best swimsuit at home. Constantly being wet with pool water for 2+ days does nothing but eat your suit alive. So wear your old one. Plus, there are 8,200 people at the giant, indoor water park. Unless you are a Pamela Anderson, no one will be looking at you!

5. Do not, I repeat, do not wear two pieces and go on the Flow Rider surfing ride. Because you will wipe out. And the rush of water will take your bottom away if you happen to be wearing a bikini/tankini (or any sort of -ini.)

The Flow Rider. Her bottom cinches.

Dudes are lucky because their suits have cinch ties. My tankini bottom did not cinch so I mooned everyone waiting in line when I wiped out. The only one excited about this was my husband (thanks, honey!). I’m still trying to figure out what the middle age guy meant when he told me “Good job” when I got off the ride.

There you have it. My expert tips to help you thrive in the indoor water park.

Have fun and let me know if I missed anything (besides my tankini bottom)!

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August 28, 2012 By 9 CommentsFiled Under: birthday party, Will Tagged With: , ,

The Picture of 9

This is the picture that gets taken when you turn 9-years-old:

And this is the picture that gets taken when you turn 9-years-old and you have a little sister:

I think 9 years old is going to be a good age. After all, my 9-year-old acted maturely by:

1) letting his little sister in the picture, and

2) not killing her!

Do you have a brother or sister?

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July 13, 2012 By 6 CommentsFiled Under: birthday party, presents, sister, Sydney, Will Tagged With: , , , ,

The Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Want to Go to the Giant Indoor Water Park

We celebrated my son’s 9th birthday over the weekend. It was a flurry of dining out, opening Beyblades and DSi games, and playing with Beyblades and DSi games.

One thing we didn’t do over the weekend was host a birthday party. That’s because, like many kids his age, Will did not want a birthday party. All he wanted this year was a trip to the giant indoor water park. His request–and his father’s and my reaction to this request–have prompted the following list.

Here, in reverse order, are the Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Want to Go to the Giant Indoor Water Park:

5. The Cost.

Stays at the Giant Indoor Water Park are expensive! And what’s this thing they’re charging me called a mandatory “resort fee”? Sounds like another way to milk parents out of their hard-earned dollars.

4. The noise.

Take 8 million gallons of rushing, churning, spilling water. Add 8,341 children of all ages screaming in terror and/or glee. Now enclose all that water and all those children within four walls and a roof.

3. The arcade.

Those resort masterminds, much like the masterminds at Disney World, know how to bilk you out of every last cent. One such way is by putting the Vegas-style arcade right next to the entrance to the Giant Indoor Water Park with one of those prize counters where kids can turn in $20 bucks worth of tickets for 1 bouncy ball.

2. Party rooms.

After spending all day in the loud, overpriced Giant Indoor Water Park, all you want to do is pass out from exhaustion in your room. Except you can’t. That’s because Skyenna is having, like, the most awesome sleepover ev-ah for her and her besties right next door to your room. Or above your room. And, like, they are totally not going to sleep forev-ah.

1. My husband.

My husband hates crowds, noise, arcades, people making noise in any room near his, and spending money. (Honey, if you’re reading this, you know I love you!)

And then there’s this:

All my 9-year-old wanted for his birthday was a trip to the Giant Indoor Water Park.

We’ve booked a night in August.

Have you been to a giant indoor water park?

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July 3, 2012 By 13 CommentsFiled Under: birthday party, presents, vacation, Will Tagged With: , ,
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