“Is that her boyfriend?” the stranger asked, winking.
I looked at my ten-year-old daughter and her best friend standing next to me in the grocery store.
“No, he’s just her friend,” I replied, damping down my exasperation.
My daughter’s best friend is a boy. They are fourth graders who are not dating nor thinking about dating. They are best friends who just happen to be the opposite gender. My daughter and her best friend see friendship, not gender, and they have since their relationship started.
The beginning
When she was six years old, my daughter cemented her relationship with her male best friend.
It happened by chance when I reached out to an acquaintance while my husband was out of town. I had to take my oldest child to the emergency room for a baseball injury and I desperately needed someone with a child the same age to watch my daughter.
My daughter had known this little boy her whole life. His mom and I had been pregnant at the same time and the kids had attended a Sunday School class together since they were three. Still, they had never had a play date together.
When I arrived three hours later to pick her up, I had to pry her away from him. They had had an amazing time.
And so it began.
The present
Over the last four years, the kids have been inseparable. Their standing play dates on Sunday afternoons are one of their favorite parts of the week.
My daughter and her best friend create imaginative worlds with stuffed animals. The kids study books on the abyss and bioluminescent creatures. They wrestle each other, laughing and giggling, on the living room floor.
Their temperaments are similar, their attention spans compatible, and their silliness on point.
Yet, these are not the attributes that pique people’s interest when I mention my daughter’s best friend. Usually, I get asked, even in jest, about their romance. It is as if people cannot think about males and females in a platonic relationship, even children.
When the dating jokes annoy my daughter or me, I draw on noteworthy opposite gender relationships from literature to reinforce that being best friends with a boy is normal.
Indeed, there are best friends like Beezus and Henry from the Ramona books, Judy Moody and Rocky from the Judy Moody books, Jo and Laurie from “Little Women,” Harriet and Sport from “Harriet the Spy,” and Harry, Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter.
Plus, there are family movies that celebrate boy-girl friendships.
The message these books and movies send, and that I hope to reinforce, is what my daughter already knows: boys and girls can be great friends.
The end?
I do wonder what middle school and the teen years will bring to their friendship. Puberty will change their bodies and how they think about the opposite sex. They may start to care what their peers think of their pairing. It makes me sad that these forces could dull the brightness of their friendship.
Still, I am grateful for the strength of their bond and hopeful that, regardless of their gender, they can weather the changes coming their way.
After all, I connect with my childhood best friends on social media and appreciate the unspoken bond we share. There is a comfort and strength from knowing someone your whole life and genuinely liking that person. I hope my daughter and her best friend, who just happens to be a boy, will have that for the rest of their lives.
When Your Kid’s BFF is the Opposite Gender originally appeared on Parent.Co.
My son has a best friend who is a girl. Many people ask me whether she is his girlfriend. Haha…how can they imagine a kid can fall in a relationship at this age?
I agree! It’s like the romantic relationship is the first thing people ask. Or the only thing.
My son’s very good friend in the gated community where we stay is a girl. He is 15, and she is a year younger. No, they are just friends yet they hear so many barbs from kids and adults alike. It’s ridiculous. As someone who has had best friends from opposite gender and continues to do so, I find this notion ridiculous. I tell him to ignore people and luckily he and his friend are cool with it.
It is nice to know that they are still great friends as teenagers! It gives me hope that my daughter and her friend can continue this way as they grow up. Thanks for visiting and sharing your comment.
Loved reading this. My daughter and her BFF are 5 and have been best friends since they were 2. I’m best friends with his mom. I’ve been wondering how their friendship would go as they age. Only time will tell but the older the get, the more “boyfriend” comments we get. (My daughter does say they will get married when they are big so they can always been together…lol)
I’ve loved sharing this post here, and on Parent.co first, because I’ve heard from so many of us in the same boat! And it’s really great just have a best friend, right? Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or girl. 🙂
I love this! Kuddos to you for being a wise mama. Friendships like that are a keeper.
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Brilliant, I love to see boys and girls friendships – this one sounds as though it will go the distance and let’s hope it does. What a lovely thing #tweensteensbeyond
Katy my daughter’s best friend at primary school was a boy too. He was her “friend boy” and it is a term we still use for her male freinds. Like your daughter and her friend they were inseparable, their humour and interests were identical and they could chat for hours. They have since moved to different schools and they still stay in touch but they don’t hang out as much as they did back at primary. When they do see each other though it is like they have never been apart – it is lovely to see. #TweensTeensBeyond
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My eldest daughter always preferred the company of boys to girls when she was in primary school. The comments about dates would annoy the hell out of me too! I hope they remain firm friends! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond
They’ll probably drift more toward their same-gender friends more as they get older (puberty, like you say) but then again, you never know. Regardless, I think it’s ridiculous that people have to make annoying “boyfriend/girlfriend” jokes to 10-year-olds. Come on, people. They are children. Let them play and have fun.
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