A Zoom Meeting with My Menopausal Symptoms

Like many people, I have attended one or two zillion Zoom meetings since the pandemic started in 2020.

I’ve become well-versed in sharing my screen, hiding my self view (I don’t need to see myself, thank you) and am super grateful l don’t have to manage break out rooms. Yikes.

All of these Zoom meetings together with a recent milesone event in my life (hello, menopause!) got me thinking.

What would a Zoom meeting with my menopausal symptoms look like? I think it would go a little something like this.

Me: Okay, it looks like most everyone is here so let’s get started. Thank you all for coming today. We have a lot of new people, so why don’t we go around and give a brief introduction. 

Abdominal Weight Gain: Hi, I’m Abdominal Weight Gain. I like to pretend that I’m protecting Katy’s lady organs now that she doesn’t have any estrogen left, but really I’m just a fun loving muffin top that makes it impossible for her to fit in non-elastic waist pants anymore.

Me: Thanks. I think.

Hot Flashes: I guess I’ll go next. Hi, I’m Katy’s hot flashes. Really, I consider myself more like a wave than a flash, as I slowly roll across her body. I’m responsible for making her dress in layers and constantly throw the covers off her body at night.

Me: Um, thanks for being here. Next?

Brain Fog:

Me: Brain Fog, you’re on mute.

Brain Fog: Oh, sorry about that. Hi, I’m Katy’s menopausal brain fog. Wait. What was I going to say? Never mind.

Me: Great to have you here. Next menopausal symptom?

Rage: I’m Katy’s menopausal rage. I really loathe being here. If Brain Fog hadn’t unmuted herself in liike one minute I was going to LOSE IT. So what’s it to you? Huh?

Me: Um, nice to see you. Next?

Hair Loss: Hi, I guess it’s my turn. I’m menopausal Hair Loss, specifically, Katy’s thinning eyelashes. About half of us just up and stopped growing and we don’t know why. We used to be a really full, lush gang but since The Change everything’s, well, changed.

Me: So if half of my eyelashes are missing, should I mark you present or absent?

Hair Loss: I’d go with absent.

Me: Okay. We’ve got a few more menopausal symptoms to introduce themselves.

Sleep: Hello, I’m Katy’s sleep. I used to go all night, but now with her menopause I’m off and on throughout the night. I’m more like 2 or 3 chunks of sleep vs. a solid night through. It’s really great to be here and I’m looking forward to working with everyone.

Me: And last but not least.

Sagging Skin: Looks like I’m last. I’m Katy’s saggy skin. Once her estrogen left, I really thinned out. Nice to meet you.

Me: Okay, I really appreciate everyone being here. Looks like a great group. Let’s get started.

There you have it, a Zoom meeting with my menopausal symptoms. What did I miss? Any Zoom etiquette that your co-workers constantly mess up? Or menopausal symptoms you’ve been particularly enjoying?