Experienced Bad Mom

Not Just a Bad Mom, But an Experienced Bad Mom

Giving Props to the First Grade Teacher

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Giving-Props-to-theThose of you who have been around my blog a while know that I had a few issues with kindergarten last year, namely kindergarten homework. Sydney, age 6, is in first grade this year and things are going well. However, Sydney came home sad the other day, not for the first time, about how another child was treating her.

As I listened to my little girl describe the situation, which seemed like one child being mean to another, I struggled with the correct, “perfect” mom response. Of course I wanted to help my daughter. Yet, I didn’t want to overreact, hover over her, or fix her problems so completely that she couldn’t handle disagreements or disappointments in life. There is that gray area, that fine line, isn’t there? Several thoughts went through my mind:

  • Do I intervene and tell the teacher?
  • Do I encourage my child to act differently? How?
  • If I make the wrong move in handling this issue with my daughter, does it matter in the big scheme of things?
  • If I make the wrong move in handling this issue with the teacher, does it matter in the big scheme of things?

Ultimately, I consulted with Sydney and decided that it was okay to email her teacher. Here’s what I wrote one night this week:

Dear Teacher,

Sydney was in tears after school and was telling me it was because she had a couple run ins with Anonymous Friend. This is not the first time she has seemed sad about something that happened with Anonymous Friend. Specifically, she said Anonymous Friend told another child that Sydney was “bad” at lunch and then Anonymous Friend tried to cut in line at recess. I fully realize these girls are 6 (!) and I know I am only hearing Sydney’s side of the story. There could be much more to the story. I am using these times when she’s upset to teach her that not everyone will like you in life and also help her try and vocalize her feelings to the other girl. I just wanted to communicate with you about today because she was upset.

Thanks for listening,
Katy

Then I waited. Okay, it was only overnight. But have you ever sent an email and gone crazy waiting, anticipating the response? Was the teacher going to come down hard on me for intervening? Was there more to the story? With the 8, 372 things the teacher has to do, was this situation even on her radar?

Here’s the response I got the next morning:

Hi Katy,

Thanks for the email.  I appreciate the information.  I will talk quietly with Sydney today.  I have talked with the class many times about treating others like you want to be treated.  So, we will continue to work on it.  Also, if you can talk with Sydney about letting me know when these things happen, so I can take care of it right away.  I know sometimes it seems like you are tattling or you don’t want others to get in trouble but it helps me if I know so I can help the kids work through it when it is fresh in their minds.  Plus, I do not want her to be sad.

Thanks again for the email.  I really appreciate the communication.  Please keep in touch.

Talk to you soon.

I love that response! I feel heard, appreciated, and empowered to help Sydney speak up when something like this happens again. I don’t feel like an overprotective, busy-body mom, whatever that looks like. I couldn’t have asked for a better reply from the first grade teacher.

Sydney has reported that the Anonymous Friend has been treating her better since we spoke up, too.

What about you? Have you ever struggled with how involved to get in your child’s problems?

Comments

  1. Great letter! I never know when to step in and when to let them learn how to fight their own battles. I think you did the right thing here with your email, though. Especially the part where you acknowledge that you are only hearing half the story. There are far too many parents who take their kids’ stories as the gospel truth and never stop to think about the bias they might be hearing.
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Five Minute Friday: GraceMy Profile

  2. I dread these days because I know my first reaction is “alright, lets go beat some ass.” But, thankfully wonderful mamas like you post this kind of stuff so I’m getting my in advance lesson on how to handle this stuff when the time comes.

    I love the teacher’s response! She definitely deserves the props you just gave her.
    Ashlee recently posted…Blast From The Past HalloweenMy Profile

    • Thanks, Ashlee! I love your mama bear reaction! These types of incidents seemed much less stressful when we were in daycare. That’s because you’d see the other kids and the teacher every day so nothing was ever left to the imagination. You’d just talk about it when you picked up or dropped off your child. This public school thing is much more hands-off and I don’t know all the other families.

  3. My daughter went through that with a girl a couple years ago too. They “shared” a friend, however the other little girl was not all that good at sharing and it ended in a lot of hurt feelings for my daughter. I’m glad that the teacher took you seriously though, because I ended up having to contact the other mom about her daughter’s treatment because the school didn’t do anything about it.
    Laura recently posted…I’m Just So… TiredMy Profile

  5. I wrote the exact same email to my daughter’s second grade teacher about two weeks ago. The teacher and I played phone tag for a little while until we eventually connected – and she spent over 20 minutes on the phone with me, talking me through her action plan, listening to my concerns. Sometimes it feels like the angels of the world are masquerading as everyday people. When you’re touched by one, you never forget it!
    Jen recently posted…Stressgiving to Thanksgiving Week 1: Sharing SucksMy Profile

    • I love, love, love your line “Sometimes it feels like the angels of the world are masquerading as everyday people.” And it’s encouraging to hear that more than one of us is having a positive experience with a teacher like this. Thanks for commenting!

    • Yes, I will count my blessings in the teacher department this year! Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

  8. OMG! I struggle all the time with this.
    Do you say something to the teacher? Do you let the kids tough it out themselves?
    Kudos to the teacher for responding in such a positive light and reassuring you that something will be done and ultimately that she hears you and your daughter!!

    Love it!

    Visiting from #SitsSharefest

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    http://www.kgstyleblogs.com
    KG recently posted…Happy Halloween Friends!My Profile

  9. Yes I have definitely struggled with it. We had issues with bullying with one of our children years ago, and the teacher basically swept it under the rug saying that she could not believe those “nice kids were doing such mean things.” Meanwhile I had a kid that was asking to be homeschooled. The year couldn’t end fast enough.
    Michelle recently posted…Bitten by the Cross Country Bug?My Profile

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