Experienced Bad Mom

Not Just a Bad Mom, But an Experienced Bad Mom

How to Be the Best Mother to a Middle Schooler

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My oldest enters middle school in about 6 weeks.

I am not prepared.

My educational background is in Early Childhood Education. I know all about what’s developmentally appropriate up to and including age 8.

My mothering experience thus far has led me to keep both a 7-year-old and an 11-year-old alive and breathing. Perhaps they are happy, too. One can hope.

But middle school? Puberty? Hormones? Mean kids? Psycho competitive parents? Teachers who must prepare sixth graders for college?

I’m NOT ready.

My only reference for how to parent a middle schooler is the movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In it, Greg Heffley and his best friend Rowley are mothered by their own moms in both a mortifying and hilarious way.

One of my favorite scenes is the mother-son dance, when Rowley and his mom bust a move to Intergalatic by the Beastie Boys:

Thus, all I know about being a mom to a middle schooler is that it must be cool to dance.

I’ve started working on my moves for the first day of school.

Which of the ones below is your favorite? Or which one do you think my son will like best when I do it in the drop off lane?
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Comments

  1. OMG…I LOVE YOUR GIFS!!!! Bwahahahahaha.
    My youngest, Lucy, is starting middle school in August and my oldest, Bobby, is starting high school.

    So, having survived one middle school experience already, I can tell you…
    Middle school boys LOVE when their moms dance and sing in public. They also love when you run up to them on campus and hug them. For a special treat, they adore when you show up at school unannounced and have lunch with them.
    😀 –Lisa
    PS. No lie…I once DID use “I will come up and eat lunch with you at school next week” as a threat if Bobby wasn’t nice to his sister. He was the nicest I’ve ever seen him. You might want to stick that one in your back pocket for emergencies. Works like a charm. 😀
    The Dose of Reality recently posted…You Don’t Have To Try So HardMy Profile

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence! (I’m sort of partial to the Honey Boo Boo one myself.)

  5. Those gifs are cracking me up!! My oldest is starting Middle School shortly too. I didn’t know I was supposed to be choreographing a dance with her!! That wasn’t in the newsletter!! We have a dance to Katy Perry’s Roar I guess we’ll have to use. Thanks for the head’s up!
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Shell Game by Think Fun {Review}My Profile

  7. My kiddo is only going into 2nd grade. I’m only too glad to let you test waters of parenting a middle schooler first and tell me all about it! Oh, and definitely the last dance move is the one I’d go with! 🙂

  8. Oh the dancing behind the totally oblivious moms gif was my absolute favourite!

    I’m a wealth of info on the delights of the middle school. Feel free to consult me any time. In the meantime might I suggest the following:

    1)Chauffeuring on the field trip: Be sure to tune radio to sad mom fm. Play the music really loud and be sure to sing along. Encourage everyone to join you. Also insist that everyone remove their earbuds so they can be fully involved in your musical journey.

    2) Volunteer for Chaperoning at the school dances. My two loved this! They really encouraged me to sign up. I guess the visions of me potentially ushering them over to a fellow classmate for a dance really got them going.

    3) In fact volunteer for Everything. I mean everything. Make sure you show up to their school at least once or twice a day. They really like that. “Your mom’s here. Again.” just sends them spinning down the halls deliriously joyful and carefree.

    4) On the off chance that they choose to have the party at your house be sure to greet each and every guest at the door. Hang about and help with coats. Be sure to stress that you are but a floor away should anyone need anything. OH Better yet STAY. And hang with them. They love that! They also love engaging in chitchat with you. Especially about how you couldn’t find smarties with a Christmas theme so you got 1/2 price Hallowe’en ones instead.

    5) Above all encourage the making of crafts at ALL social functions. A craft table is so popular at this age. Be sure to have lots of while glue, crayons and googly eyes.

    Hahahaha. Actually having survived it I have to say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Truly. The key thing to remember is to keep your mouth shut and just watch for those precious moments when they want to open up and talk. Be ready. They do happen – usually at bedtime. Best to just listen and offer up monosyllabic affirmations that you’re there and listening. And above all – never ever critique their pals.

    C’est tout.

    And yes. Thankfully this too shall pass. Hang in there Katy.
    Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Top Ten Degrees of Authentic Mommy FuryMy Profile

  9. You guys have me a bit worried now. I have a 9 and 8 year old and I thought they would always want to hug and cuddle with me…forever. You mean it stops when they’re teenagers? 🙁 This was hilarious and I definitely would go with the third dance. It’s sure to be a crowd pleaser! I will continue to follow you and you let me know how middle school is going for you. I’m two years and a couple of grey hairs behind you! 🙂

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