Did you know I lived in Canada for 3 years?
Wait.
Do you even know where Canada is?
There’s a reason I ask. Back in the 90s, I moved from Vancouver to North Carolina. One of my new American coworkers asked me, “Where exactly IS Canada?”
She was serious.
Thus, in the spirit of improving America’s foreign policy – which is clearly a hot topic nowadays – I thought I should pose some hard-hitting questions to a Canadian who can save us Americans from our ignorance.
That Canadian is Kelly McKenzie, the blogger behind the hilarious Just Typikel blog (aka kellylmckenzie.com).
Kelly and I sat down recently (no, we didn’t) to discuss NAFTA, Canadian-American relations, poutine, Tim Hortons and Justin Bieber in hopes that our dialogue would increase the peace and prosperity between our two great nations.
Katy the American: Where exactly IS Canada?
Kelly the Canadian: I can well understand how this would be tricky as your country is the center of the universe, right? Ok let me help. Go outside and stand by the nearest tree. Hopefully it has moss growing on it. If so, that is north. We are north of you so stare once again at the moss and if your eyes are really good you might be lucky to see Canada. Sorry. Only Ms. Palin will see Russia.
Sorry to throw a spanner (British for wrench) in the works but Canada is also in Florida come winter.
Katy: Do you live in an igloo?
Kelly: I used to but this dang climate change has caused major flooding. I’m now forced to live in a “proper” home with wood frame construction. The only folks who live in igloos now are found on Hollywood North movie sets.
Katy: Do you have a pet polar bear?
Kelly: Excellent question. Sadly I do not. They’ve all been relocated to Tuktoyaktuk (an Inuvialuit hamlet, not a car company) for the entertainment of the tourists. Others have been seconded for use in Coke commercials.
Katy: Who is your president?
Kelly: We’re not sure. Our Prime Minister (Canadian for President) usually only makes headlines at election time. He is due to call another election very soon and once he does I’ll get back to you ASAP.
Katy: Were you born with ice hockey skates on?
Kelly: Sadly no. I was born on the west coast of Canada so my feet were encased in rain boots. While some of us have do have webbed feet, I do not.
Katy: If you’re watching the Olympics, and the Canadian athlete is eliminated, will you root for the American?
Kelly: Oooh now that’s tricky. Hmmmm. It would depend on the sport. If it was a perhaps-not-so-popular-with-
Katy: I’m sorry, eh, but why do Canadians say “Eh” and “I’m sorry” so much?
Kelly: I’m sorry. Do we do that? If so, perhaps it’s because we are a shy lot, eh? We don’t like to toot our own horn and when we believe we have, well, we feel the need to apologise. Sorry. That must drive you crazy ‘eh?
Katy: Which is the better beer: LaBatt or Budweiser?
Kelly: I’m sorry but neither. Both are old school. Craft beers are the way to go now,’eh.
Katy: Do you know Justin Bieber, Jim Carrey or Pamela Anderson?
Kelly: I was going to ask you the same thing. You can have Biebs. Mr. Carrey has renounced his Canadian citizenship and is now an American. Pamela? Well she’s from my province (Canadian for state) and she’s larger than life, isn’t she? Unfortunately I don’t know her. Sorry. She spends all her time with you.
And that concludes our hard-hitting exposé of Canada. Thanks for journeying down this tongue-in-cheek path with me and Kelly, who you can follow on Facebook and Twitter. Did you learn any surprising truths about Canada today? Do you know any Canadians or ever been to Canada? Maybe YOU are Canadian? Please share! Kelly and I are drinking our Tim Hortons, noshing on Timbits, and breathlessly waiting to hear from you.
Absolutely DYING laughing!! The “eh” question made me almost spew coffee on my keyboard! 2 of our favorite bloggers ever in the same spot…don’t even stop us!!! LOVE this so much! :)-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted…Sometimes Life Just Gets In The Way
Oh, sorry, about the coffee spewing, eh! Glad you enjoyed our Canadian-American partnership. 🙂 And thanks for the shout out on TWitter!
Love to hear you’re a coffee fan Ashley! Next time you cross into Canada stop in to the nearest Tim Horton’s (Timmy’s or Timmy Ho’s to the Canucks) for a sip. Great coffee. Company now owned by an American but never mind.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
Being a Canuck, too, Kel, just have to say you wrote a good one. Would like to add – we pride oursleves on being peace-keepers to the world although that seems to be in a wee bit of doubt since our beleaguered soldiers actually fired back at ISIS guys messing with them the other day. We also go ga-ga when the sun returns to our clime. We have to pile up on Vitamin D pills in the winter, although if you are lucky enough to be near a recently shot mammal, reach quickly inside the body to grab the quivering liver. There’s your medication for the winter. Watches that run on solar power have quite a few off days for six months. But on the good side, we wear those cute knee-high beaded moose boots and the lucky ones have wolf fringes on their hoods to belay heavy frost build-ups. I guess the wolves get a bit icy. Anyway, everyone is invited to visit. We have enough snowshoes to share and skis are optionary. Love, your mom.
Howling here Mom. Great colour commentary. Live you too! So looking forward to popping by for a handful of quivering liver. Can’t say I can even remember when I last had some. Sorry, eh.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
May I say how HONORED I am that you dropped by my little ol’ blog? Can’t wait to visit for snowshoes and cute rain boots, too. I now see where Kelly gets her delightful personality and sharp wit – it’s genetic! Or is it a Canadian thing?
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…How To Take Over the World
That cracked me up! As a fellow Canadian from Vancouver, I also failed to get either skates or webbed feet at birth. I did however have breakfast at Timmy’s and may even spring for a White Spot burger for supper. No polar bear pets but I thought I might adopt a baby seal that manages to escape the yearly slaughter. I live 5 minutes from the US border but still so few Americans realize their neighbour to the north is that close.
You 2 should team up more often as you make a great comedy team!
Sharon Greene recently posted…Having Breast Cancer 4 Times
You should have Kelly tell you about the day we tweeted back and forth with White Spot for-evah! It was hilarious. Kelly gets me and my humor – glad you think so, too! Lucy and Ethel watch out!
Sharon! We must get together for a triple O or a double double! Had no idea you were so close. How marvelous. Let me know when the baby seal arrives. I’d love to scoot over for a pat and a zillion pictures. We could see if Paul McCartney is available too!
As for teaming up with Katy again well I’m thinking of springing some questions on her! Perhaps to test her knowledge of Canada – she did live here for three years after all or perhaps some American questions that have me confused. Stay tuned!
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
Haha – this was awesome!!! I can’t believe that an adult actually didn’t know where Canada was!!! I’m not great at geography and direction but I still feel OK pointing out the direction of Canada:)
Kim recently posted…Missing: My Morning Mojo
Yay, Kim! You’re better off than most Americans. I swear, I looked at my coworker WAITING for the joke or punch line. For about 30 seconds. She was really serious!! Thanks for enjoying and commenting.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…The Surprising Truth about Canada
Well done Kim! However I would expect nothing less from you. You could run here and back without stopping to ask for directions I’m sure.
Still grinning here over Katy’s response to North Carolina woman.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
I’m going to Canada next week, because why wouldn’t you want to go there in February? It’s a shame we won’t make it to that town that’s full of polar bears.
Colleen @MommieDaze recently posted…Chicken Salsa Roll-ups Simple Delicious Super Bowl Snack
Aw, February in Canada! So toasty. Well, I’m assuming Ontario, which is a bit chilly. Try for Vancouver next time.
Yes indeed such a shame you won’t make it up to Tuk to see the bears. Apparently they release them minutes prior to tour bus arrival. Imagine! Wild bears skittering all about! Do enjoy your trip. I was in Ontario just last week and it was a tad chilly. -21 C. Sorry eh to not quote the Fahrenheit temp.
Katy’s right – in Vancouver the snowdrops and crocuses are blooming.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
Oh, that was almost as delicious as a whole sleeve of Fudgee-os!! And I’ll drive all the way to Canada for a cookie that good. I’ll follow Kelly anywhere (at least virtually, no need to get worried… although the post on pies does warrant a vacation to that rainy part of Canada.) Now I’ll have to knock around Experienced Bad Mom for a bit and see what kind of company Kelly’s been keeping. 😉
I’ll follow Kelly anywhere, too! Now I’m picturing a great big posse of ladies walking about 10 feet behind her everywhere. What a hoot!
Well we’d be going around in circles as I’d follow both of you anywhere! Delighted you two have met. We must get together IRL for a slice of pie – apple topped with American cheese of course – and a coffee – a Timmy’s naturally.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
As a Canadian, I just tell everyone that Canada moves. It does. North in the summer. South in the winter. Yeah. Just try and point us out . . .
Diane recently posted…Another Horse
There are many Canadians here in Michigan, too! Don’t know why they’d pick Michigan, but it must feel the same as Ontario. I usually point them out by their Maple Leafs gear.
*Hi*Diane! So very true. It was easy peasy though back in 2010 when all Canucks and their dogs (sled dogs naturally) were sporting Canadian Olympic gear.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To Americans
Kelly, I wish I had known you a few years ago when a friend had a Canada party. She got her dual citizenship and was celebrating. All I knew was to say “eh” a lot – I could have used your expertise! So tell me, what do you call Canadian bacon?
Dana recently posted…What movies taught me about love
Ohhhhhh I wish we’d met by then too Dana! I would have been delighted to help. If you’re ever at such a party again just sing out. As for your question? We call it bacon.
Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up
Lol great article! Enjoyed a good chuckle tonight 🙂
Michele Bergh recently posted…Living a Self-Actualized Life…Sex Life That Is
Thanks for reading, eh.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up
I used to live in Rochester which would be Canada if that damn lake wasn’t in the way. So I think I can say I’m Canadian -by-water. Or not, eh?
And I’ve been to Florida too! What a coincidence, eh? Except I went in summer because that’s the only time they allow the non-tourist tourists to visit. So sorry I missed you.
Oh, and I kissed a Canuk once. Or twice. I kissed nearly every North American male (provided they were hot) back around 1970. (Canada is in North America, right???)
Susan recently posted…Falling Behind
Sorry eh but it’s spelled “CanuCk.” I thought that was you that time I was in Florida! You were womaning the “kissing booth” at the time. Splendid! Give me a shout when you’re next near the border and we can get together for a coffee and a timbit. That border is pretty short, right?
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up
Susan, the other part of my “Where exactly is Canada?” story is this:
My co-worker in NC said she’d been to Rochester once and was that close to Canada!?!? Ha ha ha!
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…How To Take Over the World
hilarious. I went to high school in Sault Ste. Marie, Michgan, so I am half Canadian just by drinking the water, eh? As a high school student, the only decent shopping we had was Canadian malls. Good stuff. And we watched most of our movies, in Canada but it was hard to understand the dialect, you know?
Amy Putkonen recently posted…I Ching: Hexagram #19 – Arrival
Hee hee! I’ve been to the Sault! Great place, very intriguing locks. Thanks for chiming in.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…How To Take Over the World
Goodness Gracious, what a pair you two make! This was AWESOME, Thanks so much! Since I live surrounded by trees, I went to check for moss but I do believe the snow and cold has eliminated that. No fear, living on a bordering state (MN) I DO know where Canada is! Thanks again for the great laughs you two…
Elda recently posted…How is YOUR Method of Dealing with Conflict Working for You?
Oh, you’re welcome for the laughs! And good to know that you have a firm grasp of where Canada is. 🙂
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…How To Take Over the World
Katy, thanks for teaming up with the talented and hilarious Kelly to bring us this wonderfully thorough and insightful commentary on our neighbors to the mossy side. Kelly, I LOVE that your mom weighed in. Who deeds Vitamin D when you have fresh hunting kill! I’m almost ashamed to say that my travels to Canada are limited to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. I must schedule a trip to see you (and your mom) sometime soon!
Mo at Mocadeaux recently posted…Date Night Cooking Class
Oh, Mo. Thanks for dropping by. With all that ice wine in Canada, I’m surprised you haven’t visited more often. I’m sure Kelly can take you to the best wine regions in British Columbia.
And isn’t it awesome that her mom chimed in?! Love that!!
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…How To Take Over the World
Yes, Mo! Come on up. Just head north. You’ll find us.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up
A few Canadian-American friends of ours used to throw a Canada Day party every year. Because we’re in the US, the invitations always had to include an explanation. One year, they tried to sum up all of Canada in as few words as possible. They drew a wobbly map of our continent and blazed this legend across the top: “Canada: America’s Hat.”
Harmony Harrison recently posted…Noodles and Orange Cats and Sharing, Oh My: A Short Swim through Vulnerability Land (and an invite for you to swim, too)
Ha ha ha! Too funny – eh!
Love love love! I’m Canadian and was laughing so hard!!!! For the most part, being Canadian is awesome — I’m originally from
Quebec, and sometimes that doesn’t make me so proud though:(
Leah davidson recently posted…My Disabled Sister is a Person Too, Even in Quebec
So glad we made you laugh!! That’s our goal. Don’t forget to read the latest scintillating expose on Canada that we published this week:
https://experiencedbadmom.com/the-surprising-truth-about-canada-part-ii/