Experienced Bad Mom

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The Surprising Truth about Canada

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Did you know I lived in Canada for 3 years?

Wait.

Do you even know where Canada is?

There’s a reason I ask. Back in the 90s, I moved from Vancouver to North Carolina. One of my new American coworkers asked me, “Where exactly IS Canada?”

She was serious.

Thus, in the spirit of improving America’s foreign policy – which is clearly a hot topic nowadays – I thought I should pose some hard-hitting questions to a Canadian who can save us Americans from our ignorance.

That Canadian is Kelly McKenzie, the blogger behind the hilarious Just Typikel blog (aka kellylmckenzie.com).

Kelly and I sat down recently (no, we didn’t) to discuss NAFTA, Canadian-American relations, poutine, Tim Hortons and Justin Bieber in hopes that our dialogue would increase the peace and prosperity between our two great nations.

O Canada

Katy the American: Where exactly IS Canada?

Kelly the Canadian: I can well understand how this would be tricky as your country is the center of the universe, right? Ok let me help. Go outside and stand by the nearest tree. Hopefully it has moss growing on it. If so, that is north. We are north of you so stare once again at the moss and if your eyes are really good you might be lucky to see Canada. Sorry. Only Ms. Palin will see Russia.

Sorry to throw a spanner (British for wrench) in the works but Canada is also in Florida come winter.

Katy: Do you live in an igloo?

Kelly: I used to but this dang climate change has caused major flooding. I’m now forced to live in a “proper” home with wood frame construction. The only folks who live in igloos now are found on Hollywood North movie sets.

Katy: Do you have a pet polar bear?

Kelly: Excellent question. Sadly I do not. They’ve all been relocated to Tuktoyaktuk (an Inuvialuit hamlet, not a car company) for the entertainment of the tourists. Others have been seconded for use in Coke commercials.

Katy: Who is your president?

Kelly: We’re not sure. Our Prime Minister (Canadian for President) usually only makes headlines at election time. He is due to call another election very soon and once he does I’ll get back to you ASAP.

Katy: Were you born with ice hockey skates on?

Kelly: Sadly no. I was born on the west coast of Canada so my feet were encased in rain boots. While some of us have do have webbed feet, I do not.

Katy: If you’re watching the Olympics, and the Canadian athlete is eliminated, will you root for the American?

Kelly: Oooh now that’s tricky. Hmmmm. It would depend on the sport. If it was a perhaps-not-so-popular-with-the-spectators sport like handball I would say yes, I’d root for the American athlete or team. However should it be ice hockey? Nope, not going to happen. Hockey is Canada’s sport. We believe some of you feel it is America’s sport so should you be in contention and we are not, we are going to root for the other guys or girls.

Katy: I’m sorry, eh, but why do Canadians say “Eh” and “I’m sorry” so much?

Kelly: I’m sorry. Do we do that? If so, perhaps it’s because we are a shy lot, eh? We don’t like to toot our own horn and when we believe we have, well, we feel the need to apologise.  Sorry. That must drive you crazy ‘eh?

Katy: Which is the better beer: LaBatt or Budweiser?

Kelly: I’m sorry but neither. Both are old school. Craft beers are the way to go now,’eh.

Katy: Do you know Justin Bieber, Jim Carrey or Pamela Anderson?

Kelly: I was going to ask you the same thing. You can have Biebs. Mr. Carrey has renounced his Canadian citizenship and is now an American. Pamela? Well she’s from my province (Canadian for state) and she’s larger than life, isn’t she? Unfortunately I don’t know her. Sorry. She spends all her time with you.

And that concludes our hard-hitting exposé of Canada. Thanks for journeying down this tongue-in-cheek path with me and Kelly, who you can follow on Facebook and Twitter. Did you learn any surprising truths about Canada today? Do you know any Canadians or ever been to Canada? Maybe YOU are Canadian? Please share! Kelly and I are drinking our Tim Hortons, noshing on Timbits, and breathlessly waiting to hear from you.

 

Comments

    • Oh, sorry, about the coffee spewing, eh! Glad you enjoyed our Canadian-American partnership. 🙂 And thanks for the shout out on TWitter!

  2. Being a Canuck, too, Kel, just have to say you wrote a good one. Would like to add – we pride oursleves on being peace-keepers to the world although that seems to be in a wee bit of doubt since our beleaguered soldiers actually fired back at ISIS guys messing with them the other day. We also go ga-ga when the sun returns to our clime. We have to pile up on Vitamin D pills in the winter, although if you are lucky enough to be near a recently shot mammal, reach quickly inside the body to grab the quivering liver. There’s your medication for the winter. Watches that run on solar power have quite a few off days for six months. But on the good side, we wear those cute knee-high beaded moose boots and the lucky ones have wolf fringes on their hoods to belay heavy frost build-ups. I guess the wolves get a bit icy. Anyway, everyone is invited to visit. We have enough snowshoes to share and skis are optionary. Love, your mom.

  3. That cracked me up! As a fellow Canadian from Vancouver, I also failed to get either skates or webbed feet at birth. I did however have breakfast at Timmy’s and may even spring for a White Spot burger for supper. No polar bear pets but I thought I might adopt a baby seal that manages to escape the yearly slaughter. I live 5 minutes from the US border but still so few Americans realize their neighbour to the north is that close.

    You 2 should team up more often as you make a great comedy team!
    Sharon Greene recently posted…Having Breast Cancer 4 TimesMy Profile

    • You should have Kelly tell you about the day we tweeted back and forth with White Spot for-evah! It was hilarious. Kelly gets me and my humor – glad you think so, too! Lucy and Ethel watch out!

    • Sharon! We must get together for a triple O or a double double! Had no idea you were so close. How marvelous. Let me know when the baby seal arrives. I’d love to scoot over for a pat and a zillion pictures. We could see if Paul McCartney is available too!
      As for teaming up with Katy again well I’m thinking of springing some questions on her! Perhaps to test her knowledge of Canada – she did live here for three years after all or perhaps some American questions that have me confused. Stay tuned!
      Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To AmericansMy Profile

  4. Haha – this was awesome!!! I can’t believe that an adult actually didn’t know where Canada was!!! I’m not great at geography and direction but I still feel OK pointing out the direction of Canada:)
    Kim recently posted…Missing: My Morning MojoMy Profile

    • Aw, February in Canada! So toasty. Well, I’m assuming Ontario, which is a bit chilly. Try for Vancouver next time.

      • Yes indeed such a shame you won’t make it up to Tuk to see the bears. Apparently they release them minutes prior to tour bus arrival. Imagine! Wild bears skittering all about! Do enjoy your trip. I was in Ontario just last week and it was a tad chilly. -21 C. Sorry eh to not quote the Fahrenheit temp.
        Katy’s right – in Vancouver the snowdrops and crocuses are blooming.
        Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Explaining Canada To AmericansMy Profile

  6. Oh, that was almost as delicious as a whole sleeve of Fudgee-os!! And I’ll drive all the way to Canada for a cookie that good. I’ll follow Kelly anywhere (at least virtually, no need to get worried… although the post on pies does warrant a vacation to that rainy part of Canada.) Now I’ll have to knock around Experienced Bad Mom for a bit and see what kind of company Kelly’s been keeping. 😉

    • I’ll follow Kelly anywhere, too! Now I’m picturing a great big posse of ladies walking about 10 feet behind her everywhere. What a hoot!

  8. Kelly, I wish I had known you a few years ago when a friend had a Canada party. She got her dual citizenship and was celebrating. All I knew was to say “eh” a lot – I could have used your expertise! So tell me, what do you call Canadian bacon?
    Dana recently posted…What movies taught me about loveMy Profile

  10. I used to live in Rochester which would be Canada if that damn lake wasn’t in the way. So I think I can say I’m Canadian -by-water. Or not, eh?

    And I’ve been to Florida too! What a coincidence, eh? Except I went in summer because that’s the only time they allow the non-tourist tourists to visit. So sorry I missed you.

    Oh, and I kissed a Canuk once. Or twice. I kissed nearly every North American male (provided they were hot) back around 1970. (Canada is in North America, right???)
    Susan recently posted…Falling BehindMy Profile

  11. hilarious. I went to high school in Sault Ste. Marie, Michgan, so I am half Canadian just by drinking the water, eh? As a high school student, the only decent shopping we had was Canadian malls. Good stuff. And we watched most of our movies, in Canada but it was hard to understand the dialect, you know?
    Amy Putkonen recently posted…I Ching: Hexagram #19 – ArrivalMy Profile

  13. Katy, thanks for teaming up with the talented and hilarious Kelly to bring us this wonderfully thorough and insightful commentary on our neighbors to the mossy side. Kelly, I LOVE that your mom weighed in. Who deeds Vitamin D when you have fresh hunting kill! I’m almost ashamed to say that my travels to Canada are limited to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. I must schedule a trip to see you (and your mom) sometime soon!
    Mo at Mocadeaux recently posted…Date Night Cooking ClassMy Profile

  14. A few Canadian-American friends of ours used to throw a Canada Day party every year. Because we’re in the US, the invitations always had to include an explanation. One year, they tried to sum up all of Canada in as few words as possible. They drew a wobbly map of our continent and blazed this legend across the top: “Canada: America’s Hat.”
    Harmony Harrison recently posted…Noodles and Orange Cats and Sharing, Oh My: A Short Swim through Vulnerability Land (and an invite for you to swim, too)My Profile

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