Experienced Bad Mom

Not Just a Bad Mom, But an Experienced Bad Mom

Tips for Surviving the Giant Indoor Water Park

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Those of you reading along know that all my son wanted for his 9th birthday was a trip to the giant indoor water park.

Well, I’m back after surviving two days and 1 night in the world’s largest indoor water park, Kalahari Resort in Sandusky, Ohio.

Not only did I survive, but I had fun, mostly because my son was soooo happy. Here’s my survival tips that will ensure your next trip to the giant, indoor water park is memorable:

1. Drink alcohol. (I’m kidding! Sort of.)

2. Don’t waste a minute trying to figure out why they blast music over the loudspeakers. No, it doesn’t make sense when the giant indoor water park is already the loudest place on earth due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water. And you can’t make out the songs anyway due to the screams of happy, wet children and the rush/roar of millions of gallons of water.

3. Don’t lose your kids. If you do, you will never hear them announce your name over the loudspeakers to come get them, just like you’ll never hear the music they are trying to blast. You may hear a “Wah wah wah wah wah” sound like the adults who talk on the phone in Charlie Brown, but that’s all you’ll be able to make out. So hold on tight to the kids.

4. Leave your vanity and best swimsuit at home. Constantly being wet with pool water for 2+ days does nothing but eat your suit alive. So wear your old one. Plus, there are 8,200 people at the giant, indoor water park. Unless you are a Pamela Anderson, no one will be looking at you!

5. Do not, I repeat, do not wear two pieces and go on the Flow Rider surfing ride. Because you will wipe out. And the rush of water will take your bottom away if you happen to be wearing a bikini/tankini (or any sort of -ini.)

The Flow Rider. Her bottom cinches.

Dudes are lucky because their suits have cinch ties. My tankini bottom did not cinch so I mooned everyone waiting in line when I wiped out. The only one excited about this was my husband (thanks, honey!). I’m still trying to figure out what the middle age guy meant when he told me “Good job” when I got off the ride.

There you have it. My expert tips to help you thrive in the indoor water park.

Have fun and let me know if I missed anything (besides my tankini bottom)!

Comments

  1. This is great! I think people were probably thrilled by your wipeout, because who doesn’t get excited to see the moon in the middle of the after noon? 😉 Glad you ended up having some fun after all, and glad that your little enjoyed his birthday treat!

  4. Hilarious! I can just picture myself being completely grouchy in a water park. I’ve been to them and I’m usually grouchy, but I still take my kids – they love it. And I’ve been in that situation with the bathing suit – except my top came down and it was because of a large wave on a beach with everyone watching. OMG!
    Stopping by from My Life with Kids.

    • Thanks for dropping by! The loud, loud, loud water park was worth it in the end because it was all my son wanted and he LOVED it.

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