Experienced Bad Mom

Not Just a Bad Mom, But an Experienced Bad Mom

What My Son Doesn’t Want You To Know

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We sit in the doctor’s office for yet another yearly check-up. As my eyes sweep the small examination room, I wonder if I will ever NOT think about how this room must have been built in 1982, what with its faux wood paneling.

“Mom,” my lanky eleven-year-old says. “Remember?”

Smiling, he then smacks his lips slowly, over and over.

My chest automatically tenses as I remember. I try to laugh, because one day I had found it funny enough to tell him. But here, in the same examination room I had visited so many times in the first weeks of his life, my body rejects laughter.

Much like my body had rejected my baby, my son, so many years before.

I know my son would rather I not reveal this to the world, but he kicked my a** when I tried to breastfeed him!

sondoesntwantyoutoknow

The lip smacking was the sound he used to make from his crib, usually within 30 minutes of his last feeding. My husband and I used to call him Jaws. How could someone who had just eaten be hungry again? How could someone who was eating all the time not be gaining weight? I fed him for up to 45 minutes a pop. It sounds ridiculous all these years later, but then, as someone who never breastfed before, I fed him that long. He wasn’t going to sleep in those 45 minutes, he was actively sucking.

How was I supposed to keep feeding him when my boobs, my nipples, were about to fall off from pain? I used to joke that I should just hack them off and hand them to the kid.

My pediatrician, the same one we still see every year, was kind, but puzzled. It took nearly a month to figure out why Jaws was Jaws.

The cause? I’ll try and sum it up simply. I guess my son had a physiologically small mouth. And I guess I have physiologically giant nipples (now he, my daughter, my husband, and everyone else I know wishes I hadn’t revealed THAT!). He would latch on, and I would let down, but the whole she-bang wasn’t working enough for me let down the fatty, weight-gaining hindmilk. We enrolled (I’m not kidding, I wish I was) in a type of breastfeeding boot camp with timed feedings, syringe feedings, pumping, etc.

This whole scenario was NOT in the “What to Expect” book!

Back to the present day, our pediatrician knows all about Jaws, too. When he starts smacking his lips, she looks at me horrified.

Our eyes catch, I’m still clutching my chest, and then I laugh. She laughs, too. She pronounces, just as every year before, that my nipples were the worst she’d ever seen in all her years of practice. And that’s something right? That I survived, that my son and I made it, and that despite his feeding start, he’s now so tall and handsome.

 

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. The hosts are Finding Ninee, Kelly L McKenzie, Stephanie at Mommy, For Real and Anna at fitrunner.com. Today’s prompt was “I know my child would rather I not reveal this but…”

What would your child rather you not reveal? Or, how did breastfeeding go in your neck of the woods?

Comments

    • I feel your breastfeeding pain!! Maybe we’ll be better prepared to help our daughters when they breastfeed.

  2. The part I love about this post the most? That your son knows this story! Can’t help but think that he’ll be such a sympathetic husband when it comes to breast feeding.
    My doc shared an office with the local breast feeding clinic. When I went to an appointment with my newborn the receptionist snapped “Is she hungry?” “Uh no I just fed her.” “Well that’s useless. You’ll learn nothing.” What? Finally managed to convince the woman I was there to see the OTHER doc. But I was so put off by the woman that when my girl did have breast feeding issues I went to another doc!
    Kelly l m kenzie recently posted…Just Get In The Freakin PoolMy Profile

    • Oh, Kelly, excellent point that he will be a sympathetic husband! Fingers crossed!

      Sorry about that stupidhead receptionist!!

  3. OMG you made my breast hurt – especially at the nurse saying yours were the worst she’s ever seen. Knowing what mine felt and looked like makes me cringe for you. I wasn’t successful at it – so all the foreverness about my breastfeeding was my son trying to get something that wasn’t there. A few days later he was back in the hospital, I had no idea he wasn’t getting anything to eat. Poor baby. But just in that short time – OMG the breasts!!!

  5. I had a hard time trying to breastfeed my firstborn because my milk didn’t come in for almost a week. There were a few days when she was sucking, sucking, sucking and getting nothing. We went to se the lactation consultants once a day for about three days in a row and my nipples were toast! Finally, my milk came in – although it was gradual and not all of a sudden – and things smoothed out. Glad it worked out for you, too!
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…8 Ways to Keep Your Blog Content FreshMy Profile

    • Who knew something so “natural” could be so unnatural for so many of us? Well, now I know! Glad it worked out for you, too.

  6. I am loving this week’s posts! Please, you must come back and let us know what your son said when you showed him the post! Do you still call him Jaws:)? I think I would do that (if I was in your position) just to get a reaction out of my child when they drove me batty. Greta post.
    Allie recently posted…The Drama of Running AwayMy Profile

  7. I love that your son starts smacking his lips at the doctor’s office to remind you of his baby breastfeeding story! But ugh to the challenge of getting it figured out when he was young. My milk took a few days to come in and I panicked. At one point, my husband said that my boob was probably just too big for my kid but it ended up all working out in the end. Thanks so much for linking up with us with your great story!
    Kristi Campbell recently posted…Between Advocating for Autism and Special Needs and Protecting Our Children’s PrivacyMy Profile

    • Yes, as Kelly mentioned above, knowing this story hopefully will make him a sensitive dad & husband one day! So some good may come out of it after all.

    • Yes, I would recommend it Anna. My “bootcamp” experience was written up for me by my pediatrician. If she hadn’t devised the schedule and plan of attack, we wouldn’t have made it. And not that that would have been a bad thing to switch to formula, I just give a lot of credit to my pediatrician for knowing how to fix my problems.

  9. Thanks for sharing this story! I’m glad you and your son can laugh about it now. I had breast feeding issues also, but a little different than yours and the other moms above. My milk came in right away (very painful, by the way) , but both my children had a hard time latching on. My nipples weren’t as functional as I would have liked. Lol
    I wish I had your tenacity and determination. I gave up rather quickly and switched to formula which had it’s own issues— acid reflux, colic, and others.
    I really enjoy your stories.
    Thanks!

    • Aw, thank you for saying you wish you had my tenacity and determination…because I still wonder if it wouldn’t have been better for the both of us to use formula. I guess we moms always second guess! Thanks for your comments!!

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