My husband showed me the text on his phone. I gasped in surprise. It was from the mother of a female player on my son’s freshman team. She hinted that her daughter needed a date to the Homecoming dance. Wouldn’t our son like to ask her?
Her request took me aback. But so did the realization that my son was now a freshman in high school. He could actually go to the Homecoming dance this year, even if it did seem like he was just playing with dump trucks in the sandbox.
Yet there was something that this mom and her daughter needed to know. In fact, there is something that all freshman girls needed to know about the Homecoming dance.
And I’m the one to tell them: lower your expectations.
My wisdom is borne of experience. When I was a freshman, I walked around with a Molly Ringwald-like, Sixteen Candles-esque hope that all high school boys were like Jake Ryan, a strapping young man looking for someone to love. I had no brothers to teach my otherwise. In reality, all freshman boys, most sophomore boys, and probably a good half of junior and senior boys are just, well, boys. Indeed, my own date to the Homecoming dance when I was a freshman was way more The Geek from Sixteen Candles than he was Jake Ryan.
So here’s what I want to tell the freshman girls waiting for my son, or any fourteen-year-old boy, to take them to the Homecoming dance.
- Your Homecoming date is probably not the love of your life. Where is my date from that Homecoming dance I attended? I heard he lives in Florida now. Whatever.
- Most fourteen-year-old boys can’t or don’t want to dance. When I went to Homecoming, I never made it onto the dance floor. That’s because my date said his leg hurt. All night.
- Don’t expect your date to be suave and debonair. My date, a sophomore, had his driver’s license for two days before the big night. He parked so close to the next car at the restaurant that I had to slide out the driver’s side in my semi-formal attire while he laughed. Good times.
- Most fourteen-year-old boys do not hold a well-paying job nor do their parents have unlimited cash to fund your dream date. I hear Homecoming rivals planning a wedding nowadays with expenses like fashion shows, picture packages, limos and more. I don’t think my son’s allowance is going to cover all that.
- Hoping for a romantic kiss? Remember these boys were in middle school last year, not some Bachelor in Paradise episode. When my date dropped me off at my house after the non-dance dance, I think we kissed each other on the cheek after exchanging a few stiff sentences.
- You might have fun at the Homecoming dance. You might not. It doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. Heck, it doesn’t even matter if you go at all.
In sum, freshman girls, don’t walk around hoping your fourteen-year-old Homecoming date will be like the ones you see on movies and TV. Because he won’t be.
I’m here to tell you what he will be, as both the mother of a fourteen-year-old boy and the survivor of a freshman year Homecoming date. He will be a kid who might still drool on his pillow when he sleeps. Who plays video games on his phone. Who laughs at bodily function jokes. And who is kind and good, as well as handsome and funny, but is still just a kid.
So do what I didn’t know to do about the Homecoming dance: lower your expectations.
And to that mother who wants my son to ask her daughter to the dance? If he stops watching YouTube videos, playing Clash of Clans, or gets around to taking out the trash like I’ve asked him three times, then maybe he’ll consider it. But maybe not. He’s still just a boy after all.
This piece was originally published in Your Teen Magazine.
Gotta say, the concept of Homecoming is foreign to me. I can’t imagine my Canadian son escorting someone to a dance at 14. Ha! Back then he didn’t even go to dances, I don’t think. I don’t remember. I remember the one time he did go to the dance at 16, he walked home without telling me. I merrily picked up his sister from work and then went to get him. After 15 minutes of a no-show, I sent poor M in to find him. She was soaking wet from coaching swimming and not a happy camper when she returned to the car … we laugh about it now, but then? Ouch.
Your comment reminded me of the time my son went to a Halloween dance in 6th grade. I arrived merrily at 8:20 pm, so pleased with myself that I was early for the 8:30 end time. I would get a great spot in the pick-up loop! When I arrived, the school was pitch black and my son and a few other middle school darlings were standing by themselves waiting for rides. I guess I missed noting somewhere that the dance ended at 8pm, not 8:30. Whoops. He seemed unfazed, thankfully.
Haha, that text… Never received one of those for my 14 year old boy yet. Hoping never to!!!
Fingers crossed! LOL
Wow! That text, interesting. When my daughter went to her freshman homecoming she went with a group of friends. This year, her junior year, she’s going with a group again. WHEW!
XO
My son is planning on going with a group of friends, too. I’m glad they do it that way these days, so no one gets left out–unless they totally want to stay home in their PJs and watch movies, which I’m a fan of!
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So this is a new one on me Katie. Homecoming! I always think of the poor souls that don’t have a partner at these events. Or maybe there is enough to go around these days! I am sure your son will be a most suitable companion – even if he does take a while to get round to asking!! As for your ‘non-dance’ – priceless! Wonderful to have you back with us at #tweensteensbeyond x
Thanks, Nicky! He went with his buddies and had a good time. I think that is an excellent change from the 80s, when you couldn’t go unless you went with a date.
Katy this is so interesting because in the UK the first real dance is at 16 after the GCSE’s before going into Upper School and to be honest my son and most of his friends did not go with a date. They went in a mixed group but no-one had a partner assigned as such. Also at 16 they all seemed a bit juvenile so I cannot imagine dealing with that scenario at 14. So funny that the girl’s mother thought it so important her daughter had an official escort. Thanks for sharing this with us – an eye opener for us all across the pond. #TweensTeensBeyond
Hi, Jo, it was even an eye-opener for me. He went with a group of his buddies and had a good time. I’m glad that nowadays it is very common to go in a big group and kids don’t have to go as dates. Much less complicated and appropriate IMO.
I think the closest we have to this is the high school prom which happens at 16? This was so funny Katy and just sums up the gaping chasm between expectations and reality. I laughed out loud about you having to get out of the driver’s side of the car – I can just imagine!! Can you write a similar one about 50 year old men for us midlifers!?? Thanks for sharing your fab post with us at #TweensTeensBeyond
Ooo, the 50yo dating scene would make an excellent blog post! I say go for it, Sharon. 🙂
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