My teenage daughter babysits some adorable kids across the street. Recently, one of them lost a tooth and told us about the money she received from the Tooth Fairy.
Ah, the Tooth Fairy. I’m glad my teens outgrew the Tooth Fairy ages ago. Mostly because I wasn’t aces in the role and often relied on a long list of excuses why the Tooth Fairy didn’t show up.
Even though my portrayal was mediocre, I still adore the magic of the Tooth Fairy. Who doesn’t want a friendly fairy to visit in the night and bestow a gift?
In fact, thinking about the Tooth Fairy makes me wish there were fairies that would visit ME in my current stage of life bearing gifts. My teeth aren’t falling out (yet), but there are so many things not working like they should now that I’m middle aged.
I would definitely appreciate a gaggle of Midlife Fairies. I think these fairies would look a little something like this.
The Presbyopia Fairy
The Presbyopia Fairy would visit the night after you can no longer read the book you were holding at arm’s length from your face. This fairy would sprinkle reading glasses throughout your house, allowing you to read the instructions on your medicine bottle, check the messages on your phone, or see the care instructions on your new sweater.
The Orthopedic Fairy
An Orthopedic Fairy would guide you to the right orthopedic doctor at the right time. This fairy ensures the doctor takes your insurance, has amazing bedside manner, is tops in their field, and will outfit you with a terrific new knee/shoulder/hip.
The Pill Box Fairy
A Pill Box Fairy would magically deliver a practical, yet pretty pillbox for your purse so you can take your medicines with you in style. On the first visit, this fairy would drop off a simple pill box while later this fairy would deliver one with dividers to keep your growing multitude of medicines separate.
The Pain Relief Fairy
Of course, a Pain Relief Fairy would deliver the medicines to put in your pill box. Along with assorted braces or a tube of arthritis relief for those aches and pains you now wake up with. EVERY. DAY.
The “Old Days” Fairy
What about an “Old Days” Fairy? This fairy would comfort you the next time you drop a pop culture phrase from the last millennium that neither your children nor coworkers understand (think “Time to make the donuts”). The “Old Days” Fairy would land on your shoulder and whisper, “It’s okay. I love you and I understand what you talkin’ ‘bout Willis.”
The Retirement Fairy
Wouldn’t it be amazing if a Retirement Fairy dropped by overnight bestowing a fully planned and funded retirement? If that’s too much to ask, then how about a Retirement Fairy that explains the differences between drawing from a 401(k), a 403(b), a traditional or Roth IRA, annuity, or pension?
The Silver Fox Fairy
A Silver Fox Fairy would help keep your gray locks vibrant and shiny. This fairy delivers a lovely color depositing shampoo and appears every time you pick up your tweezers, cautioning you against plucking those gray strands.
The Menopause Fairy
Of course, the Menopause Fairy would be multi talented, blowing cool air on you when a hot flash strikes, visiting with you in the night for a chat during your insomnia and helping you find decent looking elastic-waist pants to accommodate your softening belly.
The Bird Watching Fairy
Finally, the Bird Watching Fairy would bring an assortment of binoculars and bird feeders for those ragers you enjoy sitting outside watching the birds. This fairy helps you appreciate this stage of your life now that you’ve stopped traipsing around to children’s activities and have time to sit and watch the–ooh, look, a goldfinch!
A version of this article was originally published by Your Teen for Parents, the premier resource for parents of teenagers.